After All This Time
by forever-lost-in-paradise
Summary: Penelope is hiding a dark and terrible secret. Derek knows that he must help her, but when the unthinkable happens, is it too late? T for violence, maybe language. VERY ANGSTY. IF YOU HATE KEVIN, YOU SHOULD READ THIS. JUST SAYING:
1. Chapter 1

After All This Time

_Hey, back again! Bigger, bolder, and more tired! LOL. Definitely a more angsty and dramatic story, probably will pull on your heartstrings (unless it doesn't develop right or you are a descendent of Aaron Hotchner). Please review. Updates come as many days as humanly possible. This is a prologue-y type thing, just a teaser._

_AS OF NOW, 15 DAYS UNTIL SEASON SEVEN BEGINS!_

Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, nor do I have one in the singular, except when I write FanFiction.

It was a grave. But it wasn't. The large slab of rock stood erect in a field of similar creations, and at first glance didn't seem to be out of place. However, it differed from its brothers because it had no name on it. No birth date, death date, no title. The only thing marked on it was a crude engraving of a lily.

It was a grave. But it wasn't. Over the years, it had become an object of great speculation among pedestrians who walked the cemeteries to plant flowers. Many were vaguely tempted to simply dig up whatever was buried under it, but the social stigmatism was too great. Several believed that no one was actually resting beneath, but this view was quashed by The Man. The Man who Cried.

It was a grave. But it wasn't. It was a place of a judgment sealed, a symbol of dreams lost, a reminder of deep regret and the _why?-s _that would never leave. For The Man who Cried, this rock was much more. It stood over sacred ground.

He would come to it at least once a month, The Man who Cried. And he would stand there, absolutely still and silent. Except for the tears. The little droplets of water seemed to scream of the anguish he felt. His head would lower, and he would touch the tombstone, trace his fingers along the lily. Words, words filled with grief, filled with an undying, passionate love, would spill from his lips, only to be heard by whoever rested below the solitary flower.

After a time, he would leave. But he would be back. No one seemed to know him, no one could recognize the haggard face, a face that had been contorted into a mask of all the emotions it had tried too hard to hide. No one could look into the depths of his soulless, haunted eyes, and say they remembered his name. He was considered as simply an oddity. Not as a human. Surely, if he were a person, he would've moved on, was the thinking.

For The Man who Cried had come to the grave for years, always in the same manner. Always with the same heavy heart. Always with tears in his eyes. Without tears, in fact, his brown orbs would've been completely dull and dark. They'd seen too much. Too much life. Too much love. Too much sorrow. Too much death.

And the lily, the only onlooker to his true pain, to his true torture, always remained silent, as though constantly mocking his anguish.

Because it was a reminder. A reminder of a gift The Man who Cried had given to the woman he loved. A reminder of the consequences after the gift was given. And a reminder why the stone was here in the first place.

_Who wants more? Lemme know whatchoo think? Please and thanks._


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

_Oh my goodness, has it really been this long? My sincerest apologies. I didn't intend for such a long hiatus between updates. However, I have come to the realization that my schedule is quite hectic, and that I can't continue writing this story at the pace I wanted to. Sporadic chapters are all I can promise you. When band ends, it will get better, I'm sure. This section takes place far before the last one did. Oh yeah, and this takes place after 100._

"Can we talk?" Derek suddenly appeared at Penelope's chair. She jumped, as she apparently had been too engrossed in her work to hear him walk into her office.

"Geez, Morgan, you trying to give me a heart attack?" she half-teased, playfully punching him in his rock-hard abs. "Sure, we can talk. What's going on?"

"I kind of want to apologize." Derek swallowed, the lump in his throat tasting like the guilt he felt.

"For what, Hot Stuff?" Penelope was rather bemused, as she didn't recall anything terrible that he'd done.

"For allowing my stint at Unit Chief to get in the way of our relationship. You have always been a priority in my life, and I kind of let that slide because I was too worried about my damn job."

"Derek, I'm not mad or anything. You have a job, I get that. I mean, we both know how much Hotch works. Besides, I have Kevin."

"Yeah, but that's no excuse. We're friends, and friendship shouldn't be broken by work." At these words, Penelope smiled and laced her hand with Derek's.

"Handsome, it's all right. Really." Morgan looked unconvinced, but he nodded anyway. "Do you want to go get some food or something?"

"Sure, Baby Girl, anything for you." He led her to his SUV and they drove off in search of a restaurant.

Unbeknownst to either one, someone else had been listening into their conversation. The tiny bug had been hidden in one of Penelope's multiple mini action figures that lined her desk.

"So she's feeling good and cozy with Morgan, eh?" Kevin muttered, and then angrily pounded his fist onto the keyboard, not caring if he broke it. Rage engulfed his body with a heavy ferocity.

"I WAS THERE FOR HERE THE WHOLE DAMN TIME THAT MORGAN IGNORED HER! I WAS THE ONE WHO TRULY LOVED HER! AND SHE'S GOING OUT TO EAT WITH HIM!" his mind shouted. He felt tiny beads of sweat prick his forehead, so great was the behemoth of stress forming in the pit of his stomach. He knew that his choice to bug her office was a good one, because he'd never trusted the friendship between his girlfriend and the bone-headed, muscle-bound James Bond. His suspicions had proven reasonable.

And, deep within the recesses of his brain, something snapped. It was as though he had been completely possessed by anger and jealousy. For the rest of the day, as he pretended to be working on his computer, the cogs in his mind were on full gear. Planning. Planning a way to vanquish the happiness that Morgan and Penelope shared. Planning to show his superiority over brute strength.

_Psychosis loads the gun. Motive aims it. Opportunity squeezes the trigger._

_Don't know if I got the last line right, but I think it came from an episode of CM. Short I know, but I have to run now! More when I can!_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

_Another short chapter….but this one is to explain the psychological reasoning for certain events in the future of this story. I hope you guys like it! Wow….I've gotten LOTS of alerts…thanks a lot! Keep reviewing, okay? It's all I ask._

The Little Boy could hear them. Constantly their voices would penetrate his eardrum, angry words spilling into the crevices in his mind. Not even the thick walls or the game of marbles he attempted to focus on could prevent the bitter anger from surrounding his soul like a putrid, acrid smoke.

Tonight, however, felt worse than all other nights combined. Perhaps it was the pounding headache he'd received in an unfortunate gym class mishap, or maybe it was from Drake Adams slamming his bony frame into the wall for the fourth time that week. The Little Boy fingered the marble in his palm. It was a cool obsidian black, a soulless gaping void. He wished he could jump into its depths, if only to escape the cruel world around him.

"_It'll be all right, Kevin." _ Startled, the Little Boy whirled around, trying to detect the origin of the voice. No one was there. He placed his ear on the floorboards, yet he didn't hear anything else. The Little Boy was about to shrug it off, when-

_"It'll be all right." _At this point, he began to feel a little bit afraid. The hair on the back of his neck was beginning to prickle.

"W-Who are you?" The Little Boy asked with a quiver in his voice. His eyes were saucers in the plane of his face.

"_I am your friend. I am inside of you. No one else knows about me. Do not worry, Kevin. Everything will be fine."_

The Little Boy decided to ignore the voice. Surely it was something he ate, or maybe he was tired. He crawled into bed just as the screams of his parents escalated into the shrieks of banshees.

But The Voice returned. When he was alone, simply wishing to fall off the edge of the planet and be vaporized by cosmic rays, it would come to his aid. After a while, he had to admit that he liked it. The Voice knew just how to comfort him, just how to make him feel like he was worth something.

And it helped him. School had never been the Little Boy's forte, but the Voice knew this and gave him the answers to the problems on his stupid math worksheets. Deep within his heart, the Boy knew that he was cheating, but since his friend was inside of him, it really wasn't all that bad, was it?

The Voice sometimes told him to do things. Beat up Drake Adams. That had felt good. Vandalize the restrooms. Even better. It had been vengeance on the toilet that his head had been swirled into so many times. Sometimes he felt a tiny poke in his stomach that tried to inform him that his actions weren't the right ones, but he ignored it. The Voice made him. And the Voice couldn't steer him wrong, that he knew.

When he finally was out from under the musty rug that was his home and his family, the Voice left the Boy. He spent many a day in agony, hoping and praying that it would come back and be his saving grace again. Life once again had dissolved into a murky mess that he could barely wade through.

And then he met Her. The Woman he Loved. His need for the Voice evaporated the moment he laid eyes on her GUI.

For a few years, peace.

But then, the Voice returned, the moment the Man heard the words between the Woman He Loved and her 'friend'.

And it craved blood.

_To clarify: Kevin has a form of schizophrenia. He is NOT possessed. The Voice won't really be discussed in the future, but now you readers understand why Kevin does what he does. Trust me. Or should you?_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

_Again, sorry for the long wait! I am ignoring my studying to write because 1) I feel guilty for not updating 2)I am obsessing over CM right now…loved the premiere! Another quickie…_

Disclaimer: For the first time ever, I can say I'm glad I don't own the show, because there is no way I could have come up with a great storyline conclusion like what my eyes saw last night.

**Dinner, Penelope's Apartment**

"Sweetheart, could you pass the salad?" Kevin murmured politely. His words, though soft, struck Penelope's eardrum with swift force. Jumping slightly, she handed him the bowl.

"Everything going all right at work?" he asked, laying his hand on hers in an act of reassurance. She nodded, though her mind was elsewhere.

"_Derek, really, we're fine. Nothing for you to be sorry about." Derek still looked a tad unconvinced._

"_It's just…..I feel so bad. You didn't deserve to be treated like second rate, because you're one of the most important people in the world to me."_

"_Handsome, honestly, can we just drop it?" Penelope was starting to lose patience with the incessant groveling. _

"_How can I drop it when…..when I love you?" His eyes suddenly augmented, and became orbs of vivid terror. She wasn't supposed to hear that…not when she already had a boyfriend._

_Penelope's own eyes began to water. She smiled at him even through the thick, tangible emotion encircling them._

"I love you, too." To her horror, Penelope realized she was back at dinner with Kevin, and that she'd voiced her declaration aloud.

"What was that, Penny?" Kevin looked up from his plate. She shook her head, cursing her own stupidity. But he wasn't willing to let this instance slide.

"You weren't talking about me, were you?" His voice was woven with hurt and unmistakable flecks of jealousy and rage, and his eyes were becoming oblong with menace.

"K-Kevin, of course I was talking about you!" Penelope stuttered. She could feel Kevin's unrest wrapping itself around her as though a great black boa.

"Yeah right, Penelope. I'm no fool. I know how you feel about that bullheaded Derek Morgan. You probably lay in bed at night wishing that you had just made love with him instead of with me!"

"That's not true!" Penelope felt like she'd been slapped. His accusations were completely unfounded! What evidence could he possibly have?

"Don't lie even more! I know you two went to lunch together! And ten bucks that he told you he loved you, and that's what you were thinking about a moment ago!" At this, Penelope felt the tiny hairs on her neck prickle.

"Kevin, how do you know about our lunch date? I didn't tell anyone." At this, Kevin balked, basking in the afterglow of what he realized was a major error on his fault.

"Never mind. Penelope, as your boyfriend, I think I have the right to forbid you from such rendezvous' with Agent Morgan." Penelope felt anger stir within the pit of her stomach.

"You don't have that right at all! We're friends, nothing more!" She was extremely close to just ending the relationship right then and there, but decided against it. After all, Kevin had done nothing but love her up until moments before.

"Let me rephrase that: If you do not promise to stop seeing Morgan, then life will become very miserable for him, in ways you can't imagine."

"You're crazy," Penelope muttered. "What the hell is going on with you?"

"Is it not right, Penny, for me to expect a simple thing like this from you?"

"If you force me to make a choice, then I automatically am through with you, Kevin Lynch!"

"I don't think so. Because if you quit going with me…who's to stop me from hurting Derek?"

"Kevin, I'm calling my team!" She reached for her phone, but Kevin was quicker, smashing it onto the ground with no hesitation.

"I don't think so. Tell your team, I get Morgan. I don't think he'll be able to love you once I'm through with him."

"Kevin, Derek could beat you up blindfolded." Penelope scoffed, a façade for the worry burdening her heart.

"I hardly doubt that. Not when I'll have good ole Bertha with me at all times." Kevin patted his belt, right on top of a gun-shaped bulge.

_She was all his now….._

**So a bit unrealistic, I realize. Kevin, though he didn't mention it, will have constant surveillance over her and Derek, and has made it virtually impossible for her to get help of any kind (pun intended). Review! Loving the favorites and alerts as always.**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

_Once again I must apologize for the lateness of this! I hope you have realized that all chapters will be short. But then that means there will be a lot of them, right? So there's a silver lining. Anyway. Hopefully the hiatus wasn't too long for y'all to forget the whole thing. Without further ado…oh yeah this starts out a couple hours after Chapter Four._

That Night

The darkness. It seemed to robe Penelope in fear. Impenetrable, smothering, a deep abyss of hopelessness and despair, the night sky thrust her whole world into a sheer black pit. Such was the degree of emotion she felt. Such was the pain of what Kevin was doing to her.

In order to try to make it through, she remembered. She remembered, vividly, a moment from her childhood.

_The storm. Oh, how it had scared her. The rain slapping her window. The wind howling and wailing, as if mourning the one it cherished most. The thunder, so unpredictable and feral, punching her eardrums, causing her to cry in fear. The lightning streaking across the angered sky. _

_But her mother had come into her room. She had picked her daughter up and held her. Held her so tightly that even the strongest man in the world couldn't rip Penelope from her grasp. She had cooed softly, rubbing her hand along her back._

"_It's all right, Penelope, it's all right. Nothing can hurt you. I've got you."_

Now, even in her thirties, Penelope felt as helpless and scared as she did at six. If it weren't for Kevin and his omnipresent eyes and ears on her, she would've cried. She would've sobbed for her mother, for the comfort that resting her head on her mother's chest brought. She would've wept for the days when "It's all right" was enough to soothe her, was enough to sustain her. And she would've grieved for the time when "Nothing can hurt you" was something that she could believe in.

BAU, the next day

"Dammit!" Morgan whispered, chucking his now-inkless pen into the trash. "That's the fourth pen today!" Reaching for a new one, his eye swiped a glance of the photo resting on his desk. He and Garcia were wrapped in each other's arms, posing for a Valentine's day shot. The glow on both of their faces at being so close to each other was unmistakable. Derek wished that he could go back in time, right to that very moment—and never leave. Never leave her arms, never let her go. Never let someone swoop in and carry her off.

As though on cue, Penelope walked past his desk. Right away, Morgan could tell something was amiss. Today, unlike yesterday, or the scores of days before that, he caught no whiff of her signature perfume. Not that she needed it or anything, but still….Penelope had said herself that she didn't like change. It was something to note, anyway.

"Hey, Baby Girl," Derek smiled playfully at her. She turned, and he immediately caught sight of her puffy eyes and red face. She'd been crying. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, Morgan," she said in a tone that clearly stated she didn't want to talk about it. Derek's heart plummeted into his stomach. Was he the cause of her pain?

"Did I say or do something wrong?" he asked, just before she turned away from him. Her body relaxed slightly.

"No, no, nothing like that," was the weary reply, but then Penelope walked away, looking as though the whole world had let her down.

_What the hell had happened to her?_

Sorry. Gotta go. Like now. Review!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

_Sorry for the abrupt ending to last chapter….I legit had to go at that second but I wanted to upload SOMETHING….this taking place right after events of chapter 5, okay? _

Garcia's Office

Heart pounding, Penelope tried to once again focus on her computers. After all, she was here to work, right? However, her mind kept flashing back to her interaction with Derek. He was obviously worried about her, and she realized that because he was an excellent profiler, it wouldn't take him too long to figure out what was going on. And that was her greatest fear. It wasn't that she didn't want to be saved from Kevin's wrath; she simply couldn't bear if Derek got hurt, or, God forbid, killed, if he tried to help her.

Not that she didn't think her chocolate Adonis couldn't stand up against Kevin and his stupid toys….it was that she realized that her 'boyfriend' had more assets than Derek. She remembered that Kevin had once told her that he could build high-powered explosives. Of course, Morgan had worked as a bomb tech, but even the best couldn't diffuse EVERY bomb. And then there was the toxicological expertise Lynch (at this point, Penelope couldn't even think of him by his first name) possessed. The sheer number of poisons he could discreetly slip to his perceived enemy…..one drop would be all it would take….

Suddenly, Penelope realized the absolute absurdity of her thoughts. What the hell was Lynch playing at anyway? There was no damn way he'd be able to have CONSTANT surveillance and his gun on him at all times, and still act normal in the FBI building. Geez, she was stupid.

Just then, Kevin burst in.

"Penny, how are you?" His voice was cold, calculating. Yet Penelope was unafraid.

"Fine, thank you." Her tone was equally apathetic.

"I saw you blow off Derek Morgan. Smart move." She suddenly felt a cold, steely object press against the back of her neck. Her next words balled up in her throat.

"I know what you were thinking," Lynch continued. "That there's no way I could hurt him. That he'd beat me. You're wrong. That bullheaded idiot couldn't defuse one of my bombs if I gave him an instruction manual. And one of my concoctions, even one millimeter of it, slipped into his morning coffee, could instantly destroy every cell in his body. So, go ahead, spill your secrets to him. They'll be the last things he hears."

"You're mad," Penelope hissed, temporarily masking her fear. The feel of gun on skin was chilling her to the bone, but she couldn't let her emotions rule her. "And we both know Derek could outsmart you on both those things."

"Maybe, maybe not. Everyone lets their guard down at one point or another during the day. He's no exception. One word, Penny, one word to anyone, and you and the unfortunate soul die."

"Kevin, if you truly love me, then why are you doing this?" This whole situation was more than bizarre. It didn't even seem remotely real, maybe only something out of a really crappy TV show. Even though she was hearing his threats for the second time, it still made absolutely no sense.

"Don't you see, Penny? It's BECAUSE I love you that I am doing this. I'm protecting you from the people who could hurt you. Take Derek Morgan, for example. It's partially his fault you got shot, remember? If he hadn't broken your heart, you never would have gone on the date with that psycho. And Agent Hotchner? I wouldn't trust him to keep you safe. He let his own wife die under his watch just because he wanted the glory for catching the Reaper. Don't you see, Penelope? I'm not like them. I have never hurt you. I'm doing all of this to protect you from them and from yourself."

"No, I don't see, Kevin. You say you have never hurt me, but this"—she gestured towards the gun—"is hardly an act of love. Nor is threatening to kill me or the people I care about. I don't care what you THINK you're going to do, I'm going to tell Derek EXACTLY what's going on. He'll lock you up and I'll be rid of you."

In a blind rage, Kevin raised his gun and smacked the butt against Penelope's cheek. Tears sprung to her eyes as a red welt immediately began to form. Pain radiated outward, almost tangible enough to taste. She tried to let out a moan of pain, but stopped when it became physically impossible to open her mouth more than a millimeter. He'd probably broken her jaw….

"Oh, shit, Penelope, I'm so sorry!" he cried. "Here, let me get you to a hospital!" She tried to protest, but as Kevin was not incapacitated like she was, he was able to wrap his arm around her waist rather snugly and lead her out of her office. The pain in her cheek was becoming unbearable. Black spots started to pinprick her vision, but Penelope fought hard to not pass out.

As they walked past the BAU bullpen, Derek caught sight of his Baby Girl. When he saw her obvious agony, he rushed over to her and Kevin.

"What happened, Kevin? Is she okay?" He reached over to wipe the tears off Penelope's face, but moved his hand away when she visibly flinched.

"I don't know. She was opening her office door for me to come in when I knocked, but I guess she yanked the knob too hard, because the door smacked her really hard in her face. I think her jaw is broken. I'm going to take her to the hospital."

Penelope tried to signal to Derek with her eyes that Kevin was blatantly lying, but, ironically, as a profiler, he failed to notice her pleading expression. She cursed her inability to speak.

"Oh, Baby Girl, I'm sorry. Kevin, you take good care of my friend, you hear? I want her feeling better as soon as possible." He wished he could kiss her, but knew it would be inappropriate.

Derek didn't suspect a thing.

He allowed the lion to lead the lamb away.

_BTW…the author doesn't agree with Kevin's statements about Hotch. Put 'em in there to fully emphasize Lynch's complete insanity. I realize that this is pretty OOC for everyone, but come on, we ALL know that it's possible for Kevin to be like this:P Please review, okay? I know I sound like a broken record. Like a broken record. Like a broken record. LOL._


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

As soon as he was finished with his last report, Derek wasted no time in getting to the hospital. Knowing the outrageous wait times to be seen to for something non-life threatening like a broken jaw, he figured Penelope and Kevin would still be there. True to his prediction, the couple were sitting together in two equally uncomfortable chairs. Penelope's jaw was noticeably swollen, but the smudges and smears of black, blue, and purple shades almost made Derek sick. Kevin was holding her hand, running his thumb around the curve of her wrist.

"Hey, Garcia, how you feeling?" Derek asked as he came over to her. Not wanting to anger Kevin, he'd abstained from any pet names. The latter seemed to be biting his tongue in frustration. Penelope could sense the tension, but in her present condition, could say nothing. It took a great effort, however, to keep the tears from flowing. She knew if she started crying, Derek might be able to discern the truth. And then all hell would break loose.

"Has she been seen to yet?" Morgan queried, if only to ease Kevin's brooding state. After all, he had come only to comfort his best friend. Not start another world war.

"Obviously not, Agent," Kevin snarled slightly. "Don't you think she'd have a bandage or something?" Derek took a step back, hands raised slightly in defensive mode.

"I was only asking," was his somber reply. "I guess you two don't need me around, then." He turned to leave, when-

"N-no." Both men turned to look at Penelope. Even through the intense pain, she'd managed to speak, if only to say one word. The one word she hoped could save her. Derek looked rather perplexed, but shrugged.

"I guess she's spoken." Derek took a seat next to Penelope. He desperately wanted to kiss her forehead or stroke her hand, but didn't want the wrath of Kevin.

A Few Hours Later

The doctors had wrapped Penelope's jaw after determining that it was indeed a nasty fracture. Luckily, all of her teeth had remained intact (of course, Kevin knew it was a sheer miracle that the gun hadn't knocked all her molars out). She would have to stay the night, because her inability to swallow fluid meant she'd need an IV. Surprisingly, Penelope made no attempt to argue with the doctor, which surprised Derek enormously.

Now, she was lying in bed, an IV protruding from her arm. She wore the traditional hospital gown, a costume that hardly fit her flamboyant personality. Kevin had excused himself to get something to eat, which left Derek alone with her. This was the opportunity Morgan needed to talk with her privately.

"Baby Girl, don't try to talk too much. But if you can, could you tell me what happened to you?" Though Derek had no reason to believe the whole thing was nothing but a painful accident, something in his gut told him to ask her anyway. Much to his surprise, Penelope shook her head. And then relinquished a solitary tear. She wished that it could speak for her. That it could tell Derek EXACTLY what had happened. That it could beg him to save her.

"It's okay, princess. Don't be embarrassed. If it was just a dumb accident, don't worry about it. We all do stupid stuff sometimes." _Oh, it wasn't that. Why couldn't he see? Why couldn't he see what was right in front of him?_

"Stay." It was all Penelope could say before the pain near enough overwhelmed her. She hoped the word in itself would symbolize much more. Derek still looked puzzled.

"Of course I'll stay with you. Whatever you want, Baby. Why would you think I wouldn't?" She shook her head again.

"Sweetheart. Look at me. Did something else happen today?" Penelope's heart began to race. Should she just tell him and risk it all? Should she lie? Should she even try to speak at all?

"Please. Help." And then the pain, the biting, feral, agony that had resulted from not just her current injury but from all of the verbal threats and torture Kevin had thrust on her, overtook her. She grew dizzy, and then her world turned black.

As if it wasn't dark enough already.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Quick note: I am writing under the assumption that Penelope had a good relationship with her biological father despite also having a stepfather (btw anyone else confused with Garcia's family tree?)

Hope y'all enjoy-the reviews seem to suggest (ahh look profiling) that you do!

_She was speeding through a tunnel. No, not a tunnel, a vortex. Colors, as varietal as those who walk this earth, shot past her eyes at breakneck speed. Zips of vivid pink and waves of pensive blue sliced through her vision. She seemed to be heading to a swirling mass that was the very point of the vortex. Her mind was blurry and unfocused, though she could've sworn she heard a voice off in the distance. First it was very dull and low, the decibel level almost too low for her to pick up. After a moment, the tone became clearer._

"_You're mine." The disembodied voice was screechy, as though sharp fingernails were grating against a chalkboard. However, even through her vapid state, she could've sworn she heard Kevin's voice mixed in with it. _

"_No, you're not his." Another voice rang out, desperation lacing its tone. "You have a choice: you can let him rule you and ruin your life, or you can tell someone the truth."_

"_But if I tell…..he will hurt my friends. He'll hurt Derek." Penelope replied in a defeated breath._

"_You don't know that he won't hurt them even if you follow his orders. He's unpredictable. You must know that." _

"_DON'T LISTEN!" the squawking voice hollered menacingly. "IT'S A TRAP!" The colors in front of her increased their brightness as Penelope continued her journey, though, strangely, she didn't appear to be any closer to the end of the vortex._

"_Penelope, listen to me. Tell Derek. Tell him everything. The road ahead may be rough, but he will not die, nor will one of your friends."_

"_How can you possibly know that?" Penelope asked. _

"_Just trust me." That was a phrase used often by her father…_

_And then suddenly, the lights disappeared, as though a great light switch had flicked them off. _

"Penelope? PENELOPE? Wake up!" Derek's voice brought her back to reality. Her eyes snapped open, and she was suddenly disoriented by the drab hospital colors and the sickening odors of medications that had wafted into her nose. "Don't scare me like that again!"

"What happened?" she managed to rasp out, then gasped in pain and put a hand to her jaw.

"You were trying to tell me something, but then you looked like the pain overwhelmed you and you passed out. The doctors increased the meds and warned me that you'll be kind of loopy for awhile."

She had to tell him. Now. She could feel it in her bones, in every fiber of her being. Though there were no more voices in her head, she could still feel her father encouraging her to do what she now realized, no matter what the consequence, had to be done. What Kevin was doing to her now was killing her, and therefore indirectly, Derek, anyway. No matter how bad her jaw would ache, she promised herself she would tell him everything.

"This is his fault." Her voice was barely above a whisper, but Derek heard every word. He felt his heart plummet into his stomach, but he had to be absolutely sure that she was referring to what he was thinking of.

"What's his fault?" He placed a hand on her arm, feeling like it would be too presumptuous to hold her hand.

"Kevin. He hurt me." Derek's gut twisted in anger, but he couldn't lose his cool, not with his baby girl in need. Penelope took a deep breath before continuing.

"He wants to destroy you. He said if we have contact he'll hurt you, maybe the whole team. He's got a gun—that's where I got this injury, and surveillance cameras." She blinked back tears as the pain, in more ways than one, intensified.

"Baby, why didn't you tell me right away?" Derek felt as though he'd been slapped. He had suspected a little was amiss, but he had no idea what exactly she'd been through. Until now.

Footsteps. Kevin opened the door.

In a rush of blind anger, Derek hurled his frame at Lynch, longing for the sound of breaking bones and torn ligaments to block out the grief he was going through. The two men smacked into the ground.

"WHAT THE HELL?" Kevin panted, demanding an answer. His glasses sat askew on his face, making him look all the more ridiculous, something that inflamed Morgan all the more.

"YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THIS IS, YOU SICK SON OF A BITCH! TELL ME WHY YOU HURT PENELOPE!" Derek's rage had gone way beyond the capacities of an average human being. His desire to kill Kevin was almost irresistible.

"Derek, I never hurt Penelope. I love her." His eyes were wide-eyed in utter befuddlement. "Why would I want to hurt her?"

"THAT'S WHAT I ASKED YOU, YOU ASSHOLE!" Derek bellowed, not believing Lynch's act at all. Kevin picked himself off of the ground and faced Penelope, who sat motionless on the bed, almost afraid to watch the confrontation in front of her.

"Penny, tell him that I didn't hurt you. Tell your oafish friend here that he's made a big mistake." Penelope wilted when she saw the malicious gleam in his eyes that Derek was in no position to witness. She couldn't take a chance. Especially not when her glance met Kevin's bulging pocket.

"Kevin didn't hurt me. I think that was the medication talking." Penelope began to manufacture a hysterical laughter to prove how wonky her brain was right now. Derek frowned in confusion, not completely buying it.

"Maybe we should get a doctor," Kevin suggested. "She might need looking at." As much as Derek was loathing Lynch right now, he realized the truth in his words. They summoned a doctor, who said it was perfectly normal to have minor hallucinations. He seemed to side more with Kevin than Derek, but perhaps this was due to the fact that the former was sporting a nasty bruise that seemed to inspire pity. The doctor administered even more medication, believing that Penelope simply needed rest.

Derek wouldn't let Penelope's words leave his head. He knew there was truth to them. But what was he to do? There was, after all, a chance that the doctor was right, that Penelope was simply loopy for the moment from all the medication.

So, for the first time in a long time, Derek prayed. Prayed for guidance. Prayed for the truth to be revealed.

Most of all, Derek prayed for the woman he loved.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

"I really see no reason to keep Ms. Garcia in the hospital another night. She's recovering quite nicely. Just keep the bandages and ice on and be sure she doesn't talk very much. I'll get the discharge papers ready." Derek nodded, and glanced at Penelope, whose expression hadn't changed a bit as the doctor spoke.

"You ready to leave, Penelope?" he asked, abstaining from pet names as Kevin was also in the room. She barely acknowledged Derek's question, shrugging her shoulders an infinitesimal amount. At this point, she'd nearly broken from reality. She didn't care anymore, she just didn't care. She would go home with the man who had made her life hell. He could do with her as he pleased. Her tenacity, her fighting spirit, the strength that was uniquely hers-it had long since left her body. Now even Death would be a dear friend.

"I'll go put your things in the car, all right?" Kevin murmured gently. He picked up the duffel Emily and JJ had brought for her and walked out of the room.

"Baby, are you sure you're going to be okay?" Derek asked, walking over and gently placing his hand on her shoulder. Penelope nodded slowly.

"Love you," she whispered, wincing slightly.

"I love you too, my Baby Girl." He reached into the bag he'd been clutching and pulled out a single white lily, Penelope's favorite flower. Her eyes widened as he placed it in her hand.

"I found this in the little garden outside the hospital. I know I'm not usually a sappy person, but I wanted to give this to you because I wanted to remind you that you have me. Penelope Garcia, you will never, ever, be alone in this world, because I'll always be there for you. Always. Never forget that, Baby." He had to give her something, anything, to let her know that he still worried about her, still loved her, even though she was in a relationship with another man.

"Thank you," she murmured. "Thank you so much." She clutched the lily tightly in her fist, as though it was her one link to this world.

Little did either of them know that the beautiful, innocent purity of the lily would soon be destroyed.

Later

"You all right, sweetheart?" Kevin asked as he helped her inside the house. He kept a firm grip on her wrist, in what Penelope hoped and prayed was just a protective gesture. Tucked away in her pocket the lily remained hidden from view.

"I'm fine, Kevin," Penelope replied as evenly as she could. The cruel, bitter irony of his question struck her particularly hard. She found she was starting to feel more emotion now that Derek had given her the lily.

"Are you mad at me?" The query was inexplicably genuine.

"What do you think?" was the chilly response, though the icy tone was also due to the pain in her jaw.

"Penelope, dear, I didn't mean to hurt you. It was an accident, remember?" he soothed. He reached out to pat her cheek, but she slapped his hand away.

"Accident, my ass!" She felt angry tears collecting in a heated pool in her eyes.

"Penny, you're confused….and you're probably tired. Why don't you lie down for a bit?" He wrapped his arm around her waist in a grip too strong for her to break free from. He led her to the bed and helped her under the covers.

"Rest, Penny. I'll take care of you now."

These words would be the truest that Kevin Lynch would ever speak.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

_I know this update is coming later than any of us want, but I seriously have a crappy schedule. It should be getting better now, so hopefully at least a couple chapters a week! I wanted to thank the multitude of people that alerted and favorited—you guys rock and I am grateful for your support. Keep reviewing, it's all I ask!_

_Warning: strong subject—no one under 13 (don't wanna be held liable)_

The Next Morning

"Breakfast is served!" Kevin announced as he proudly walked into his and Penelope's bedroom, carrying a tray of steaming food. Penelope stirred, mumbling incoherently for a moment. She rubbed her eyes to rid them of her dreams, and then gasped as her pupils fell upon the tray.

"What is this, Kevin?" she asked, slightly apprehensive. Even in her drowsy state, she could never forget what had transpired over the last few days.

"Breakfast. I figure my girlfriend deserves something in bed once in a while." He winked, as if to further confirm the double meaning of his words. Nervously, Penelope prodded a piece of toast with her finger. As it didn't explode or do anything out of the ordinary, she supposed it was safe. Of course, Kevin could've poisoned it, but it seemed highly unlikely. There was no trace of malice in his tone.

"This doesn't fix all of this." Penelope's anger scared even herself. Was he really foolish enough to think that his whole niceness act would make her forget what he had threatened to do to her and what he had actually done?

"I'm so sorry for all of that, Penny. I really don't know what I was thinking. Can you forgive me?" He seemed sincere, he really did. But that didn't really matter anymore. What appeared to be wasn't always what it truly was. This lesson she had learned well.

"I really can't answer that, Kevin. What you did to me was unbelievable. And now you think that a simple 'I'm sorry' will just erase this mess and everything will go back to normal. News flash: that's not how life is. You TORTURED me, and now you act like it's nothing, like you still have the right to call yourself my boyfriend!" By this point, tears were falling down Garcia's face. Hot, searing, furious tears that encapsulated all of her overwhelming emotions in a water droplet.

"Oh, baby…." As if he thought he was doing her a kindness, Kevin leaned over and captured her lips in his. Penelope tried to push him off, but he was much stronger. Pain shot through her jaw as he started to kiss her passionately. His tongue ran along her teeth, clamoring for entrance into her mouth. As much as Penelope wanted to refuse, she knew it would be much worse if she didn't. His tongue felt like a slimy python as it began to explore all of the crevices of her mouth. In desperation, she reached for the lily Derek gave her, as if it would provide some sort of protection. Unfortunately, Kevin spotted the flower. Suddenly enraged, he broke the kiss and snatched the lily.

"WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THIS!" he bellowed. Penelope felt tremors of fear ricochet through her whole body.

"K-Kevin, I can explain!"

"DID THAT DAMNED DEREK MORGAN GIVE IT TO YOU?" Garcia's blank expression gave her away.

Kevin lost it. He became disconnected from himself as he suddenly ripped Penelope's shirt off-and then her pants and lingerie. He began to pet her trembling body, ignorant of her whimpered protests. Kevin caressed her skin, feeling the power he had over transforming into a sudden sexual rush. He unbuckled his belt buckle.

And thrust. Pain, unimaginable and unquantifiable, soared through Penelope. Her life seemed to flash before her eyes as she felt the devil incarnate inside of her, becoming one with her. She tried to scream, but her own terror swallowed her voice.

Derek's House

Derek cursed himself. That complete _asshole _had the only woman he'd ever loved, and here he was at home. He knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Kevin had harmed his Baby Girl. And yet he had done nothing. It wasn't medication that caused Penelope to tell him that Kevin hurt her, it was truth.

He knew what he had to do. There was no other option. He headed to her home.

Meanwhile…

She was broken. Bleeding. Barely conscious, she could barely cling to anything of this world. For neither the first nor the last time, she wished to die. To escape all who wanted to harm her.

As darkness began to swarm her vision, she caught a glimpse of something wonderful. Something beyond anything she'd dreamed of. Before she could call out to the figure who had suddenly appeared next to her…..all went black.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

In a panic, Derek rushed to Penelope's side, for the moment forgetting about Kevin. All he cared about was that his Baby Girl was bleeding and motionless on the ground. He scooped her broken body up into his arms in one swift motion. Placing a finger to her throat, he grimaced as he found a thready pulse. Her breathing was shallow and labored, each inhale seeming to take more and more effort than the one before.

"Hang on, princess, you hang on while I get some help," Derek murmured as he hastily grabbed his phone and dialed for an ambulance. After hastily relaying Penelope's condition to the operator, he began to rock her gently in his arms.

"What did he do to you?" he asked her nearly lifeless body. But the bruising to her thighs told the whole story. Derek placed his hand to the source of the bleeding, hoping his palm would staunch the steady flow of red. He leaned over and kissed her forehead, and his tears sprinkled her face.

"Don't you give up on me, Baby. Don't you go without letting me tell you how much I love you and how much I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You hear me?" Derek was starting to feel desperate as he watched her fade faster and faster towards the next life. Finally, the ambulance arrived.

"You got to let me ride with her!" he exclaimed as the paramedics worked quickly to stabilize her and then placed her in the ambulance.

"Hop in!" one EMT exclaimed. Derek knew that he should probably hunt down Lynch- and God knew how much he wanted to kill the f-bastard- but he couldn't leave Penelope. Not now. Not ever.

At The Hospital

Once again, Derek found himself at Penelope's bedside, though unlike last time, he felt no hope at all. His girl was in a coma, completely dependent on a ventilator and IV to keep her alive. The doctor told him that the beating and rape that Kevin had mercilessly bestowed on her would've killed her if Derek hadn't gotten help when he did. Even with his quick work, Penelope's only tether to life was a machine that breathed for her.

"I love you…..so much," he breathed, throat constricting, as he kissed her hand. For hours he had repeated these words, hoping each time that they would trigger her return to consciousness. But she remained still and silent.

"I don't even know exactly when I realized that I would always love you, Baby. Maybe it was the first time we met. Maybe it was after you were shot. All I know is…I can never love another woman in the way that I love you. You complete me, my God-given solace. Without you…..my world will just fall to pieces. I don't know how I can survive if you leave me. So please, Baby Girl, wake up. Wake up, if only because there's someone right at your bedside who wants you back more than anything else in the entire world."

Her eyelids tremored slightly. Derek paused, in disbelief. He waited, hoping against hope that he would get to see her radiant brown orbs…..but she seemed to settle back into her dark oblivion. He sighed. Maybe it was better that she was unconscious, maybe it was better that she wasn't suffering any pain (at least he HOPED she wasn't in pain), maybe it was better that she didn't know all of the damage Kevin had done to her.

Kevin. The name itself caused bile to form in Derek's throat. That son of a bitch was still out there….maybe even celebrating in Penelope's agony! Rage clouded his eyes, and it was only after he took a deep breath that he realized how tightly he was clenching Penelope's hand. Loosening his grip, Derek began to plot his revenge. Prison was a price worthy to pay for Kevin's murder. He would happily spend the remainder of his days locked up if Lynch was nothing but a bloody pulp six feet under the ground.

But then he remembered Penelope. If he went to jail just for the sake of vengeance, then he would never get his happy-ever-after with the woman he loved. He would never get to hold her in his arms, never get to tell her exactly what she meant to him, never get to marry and start a family with her. The police and the other team members were on the lookout for Kevin; Derek hadn't been foolish enough to not get backup while he was at the hospital. For once, he didn't want to be out in the field.

Not when someone more important kept him here.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

"Get off me! I'm innocent! Innocent I tell you!" Kevin Lynch's face was purple as he screamed. His hands were soundly cuffed behind his back, and uniformed officers clutched onto his arms.

"This guy is a loon," the police chief muttered to Hotch, who was standing next to him. "What the hell did your technical analyst see in him?"

"I believe he's a paranoid sociopathic schizophrenic that snapped. He seemed pretty normal until recently. What did your men find?"

"Blood on him, obviously. He was pacing in a deserted alley, cliché as it sounds. Muttering to himself. I think he was hearing voices. Myself, my men, and Agents Rossi and Prentiss managed to subdue him pretty quick." Hotch nodded somberly.

"I'd like to interview him, please." He was being unnecessarily cordial, but the shock about Penelope had subdued him into a mere shell of the stoic man he really was.

"No, Hotch, he's mine!" Morgan had suddenly burst through the police station doors, a wide spectrum of emotions radiating from his tense body.

"Morgan, I thought you were at the hospital."

"I was, but I really couldn't take it any more. They took her back for tests…I dunno….I just had to come and see the bastard for myself!" He stormed down to the interview room. Kevin was sitting in the chair, drumming his fingers on the table nervously. His eyes darted from corner to corner, and his head twitched at sporadic intervals.

"Kevin Lynch. Rape. Attempted murder. Assault." Derek slammed the file the officer at the door to the room had handed to him onto the table. "Need I continue?"

"I didn't do anything. She's my girlfriend. Nothing wrong with making love to your girlfriend." His speech was sloppy, not drunk, but there was something definitely different with it.

"It wasn't love, you sick son of a bitch! Leaving a girl unconscious and bleeding on the ground isn't love!" It was taking all of Derek's strength to remain calm. His heart was slamming against his chest, and tiny bulbs of sweat pricked his forehead.

"But I love her, Agent Morgan. More than you ever did. She's let me into her home, into her bed. How much has she done for you?"

"THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME, YOU LOWLY ASSHOLE! THIS HAS TO DO WITH THE ATTEMPTED RAPE OF A FELLOW FEDERAL AGENT!" Derek slammed his fist against the wall. Kevin merely shrugged.

"Look, man. I don't know if you're jealous or whatever, but don't take it out on me. There's no way you can tie this to me!"

"Actually, there is. It's called we found your DNA WHERE YOU RAPED HER, YOU COWARDLY FOOL!" Derek was panting now, the stress weighing heavily on his body.

Having nothing more to say, he left the sorry bastard to his doom.

Returning to the hospital, he found himself calming down slowly. The prospect of seeing his baby girl again could do that to a man in love. _In love. _He liked the sound of it.

Arriving, Derek rushed to find Penelope's doctor. He tried not to look too disappointed when he found out that Garcia was still comatose, though all tests came back negative for any lasting brain trauma. Wasting no more time, he rushed to his princess' room.

She seemed unchanged. Her eyes still seemed pasted shut, and bruises splattered her face. Even through the disfiguration, she was still beautiful to Derek. He cradled her hand in his and kissed her forehead.

"They got him, Baby. They got Kevin. You're safe now. It's okay to wake up, you hear me? There's nothing to fear anymore. I'm right by your side, hoping and praying that you'll wake up, show me those beautiful eyes, and smile at me. It's what I want most in the world, Baby Girl."

He whispered and cooed to her all through the night, not daring to sleep just in case she woke. Still clutching to her limp hand, he prayed with tears in his eyes that she would be restored to him.

It was all he could do for the woman he loved.

_THE STORY WILL NOT BE OVER FOR KEVIN, FOR THE BLOODTHIRSTY READERS OUT THERE! Thanks for all the reviews I've received of late…..keep it up it really does motivate! (extra exclamation points are because of my excitement for tonight's episode about my favorite character!) May not be able to update for a couple days… but more soon I swear!_


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

_So sorry for the long wait, Thanksgiving and a crazy schedule got in the way of updating. And a quick word: if you have something rude/highly critical to say about my stuff, you better not be anonymous. Don't be a coward and leave no way to PM back. This hasn't really happened to me but it has to a couple of my favorite authors on this site. Not to sound pissed off, say what you want about my stories but leave a name so I can respond back._

_Now back to the story! _

It was morning, and Derek was still sitting vigil-like at Penelope's bedside, traces of the tears he'd cried sporadically through the night lingering on his hollow face. His eyes were worn, bloodshot, yet prayerful. He hadn't given up on his Baby Girl. She was still there, still with him despite the coma, the bruising, the scars.

"It's morning, princess. Another morning that I haven't seen those beautiful eyes of yours. I miss them, baby, I really do." He leaned down and inhaled the smell of her hair. It was still sweet, refreshing, and it triggered so many memories of their times together.

_It was New Years' Eve. The team had all gathered at Rossi's mansion to usher in the New Year, their separate families in tow._

"_One minute left!" Penelope cried, glass of champagne at the ready. Derek laughed, marveling at the energy that she always radiated. They watched as the dazzling ball slowly inched its way down the pole in Times Square through the flat plane of the TV. _

"_One minute until we begin another year together," Derek whispered. He desperately wanted to kiss Penelope. Perhaps this was his chance, as Kevin had not been able to make it that night. _

"_TEN!" Heart fluttering, Derek scooted closer to Penelope and wrapped his arm around her waist._

"_NINE!" Penelope turned abruptly, but smiled when she saw who it was._

"_EIGHT!" Derek smiled at her, a huge grin that said everything that his words weren't able to._

"_SEVEN!" Penelope smiled back knowingly and her eyes twinkled mischievously._

"_SIX!" The two stepped a little closer together._

"_FIVE!" Derek placed his arms once more around her._

"_FOUR!" Penelope looked a bit nervous, but she reciprocated the action._

"_THREE!" "Are you sure you want to?" Derek asked._

"_TWO!" "Yes."_

"_ONE!" Earth-shattering silence._

_Derek pressed his lips against hers. For a moment, the world stopped turning, because his life now revolved around Penelope. He could feel the chemistry; he could taste it on her irresistible lips._

_And then they broke. Her eyes were wide and sparkling. She had felt it too, Derek was sure of it._

"_Happy New Year, handsome."_

"_Happy New Year, Baby Girl." And that was it. Derek longed to hold her in his arms forever, capture her lips and never let her go. But she had Kevin now. _

_She wasn't Derek's to take. _

"Remember New Years', a couple years ago? Remember that kiss we had? I want to go back to that moment, baby. Go back and pledge my love for you, go back and steal you away from Kevin so he would never have had the chance to hurt you. Because I love you, Penelope Garcia, more than you'll ever know. Seeing you so hurt, so broken is tearing me up inside. I need you to wake up so that I can show you how much I want you, how much I need you."

And then he felt her squeeze his hand. It was a very faint pressure, but it definitely was there. Heart racing, Derek desperately prayed that his most fervent wish had been granted. He watched as her eyelids fluttered open, revealing her luscious brown eyes. They darted around the room, confused.

"Hey there, Baby Girl." Her eyes fell upon Derek and instantly watered. _He had saved her. He really had come for her. It wasn't an illusion. _The ventilator was preventing her from speaking, so she lightly placed her hand on his wrist, an act that consumed much of her strength. The warmth of his body was a great comfort however.

With tears in his own eyes, Derek kissed the hand clutching his arm, and allowed his free thumb to make a circular motion on it.

"You're okay now, princess, you're going to be all right. I love you so much." Of course, she wasn't okay, but his words soothed her nonetheless, especially the last five. She found her eyelids slowly drooping, unable to stay open for very long. Derek saw it too.

"Go ahead, Baby Girl. Sleep. I'm going to be here. I'm always going to be here." He tenderly kissed her forehead as she fell asleep.

And then began to cry out loud as he came to the realization that he now had his everything back with him.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

_Sorry if I am pissing people off with the sporadic updates. I have a crammed schedule and stuff ALWAYS gets in the way. I am trying to update often, but really, it's getting very hard to. Just getting to review replies too—sorry for the wait on that….but I'm grateful for all of them (more than 50, wow!)_

…_..and now for a lighter chapter….._

_Dedicated to R.E.L.F.—who inspired me, who loved my writing, who I will remember every day of my life. It's been one year….and I'll never forget._

"Baby, at least you got the breathing tube out. That's a really good sign." Derek was at Penelope's side, trying to encourage her to speak. The doctor had recently removed the ventilator, declaring her to be on the mend, at least physically. So far, though, she'd made no attempt to talk, and her eyes had remained blank and emotionless. Derek was trying to reach out to her before she shut down completely. Finally, though, she found the words. The right first words to say after her life had so nearly been ripped away from her.

"Thank you." Her voice was raspy, weak, and a bit slurred from all the medication, but to Derek, it was one of the most beautiful sounds in the whole world.

"Why are you thanking me, Baby Girl?" he asked, taking her hand in his.

"You saved me. You saved my life." Emotion clotted her throat, and Penelope had to work hard to keep the tears from falling.

"How could I not save the woman I love?" Derek replied, stroking her cheek with his thumb.

"You mean that?" Penelope whispered, hardly daring to believe what she'd just heard. Derek couldn't love her. Not after what she'd put him through. Not after her refusal to trust him enough to tell him about Kevin.

"Of course. There's nothing I've ever been more serious about in my entire life. I love you more than anything. When you were in a coma, all I could think about was the prospect of my life without you. And that was unbearable to imagine. You are not just my solace, but my everything. A part of me was attached to that ventilator with you, a part of me was bruised and broken. I am completely in love with you, Penelope Garcia."

Penelope broke down then. A torrent of emotions cascaded down her face, from pain to fear to love to adoration. Derek wrapped her in his arms and stroked her hair as she cried. He wept too.

"Don't leave me, Baby, don't ever leave me," he repeated over and over. "No matter what, you'll always have me."

"I won't, Derek. I love you too much to."

_The one promise that wasn't kept…_

"Baby, I know you don't want to talk about this, but how much do you remember?" Derek hated to bring it up, but knew in order for Penelope to get past it, they would have to talk it through.

"Everything. I remember everything." And no matter how much Derek prodded, Penelope said nothing more of it.

Even though she had someone to lean on, she couldn't relive what Kevin had done to her. It had scarred her, torn her apart….and she wasn't ready to be pieced back together just yet.

So for now, she just held onto Derek, the man that loved her, the man that she loved, hoping that his presence could wipe away the memories, the bruises, everything that kept her tethered to the pain she felt.

As her world crumbled, she still had him. And that was enough for now.

_Sorry for the shortness of this. More…..but probably not for a bit because I have other projects and stuff. Apologies. And as I'm sure you've realized, this ain't over yet._


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifeen

"My home is yours too now, baby girl, so don't ask for anything." Derek smiled as he took her jacket and placed it in his closet. The reason for his happy disposition came from Penelope's discharge from the hospital. Physically, the rest of her healing could continue at home. However, it was advised that she continue to see a therapist for a while until she was able to come to terms with what had happened.

"Thank you, Derek," Penelope whispered, grateful tears in her eyes. Seeing her cry pushed Derek to action. He wrapped her in his arms, feeling her shoulders shake with her emotions as he cocooned her in an unbreakable hug.

"Hey now, no thanks needed. I want you here," Derek soothed. "I need you here. I can't imagine life without you. The time you were in a coma was too much." After a few minutes, her sobs subsided.

"I was so scared, so alone. But then I saw you—well it was more like a shadowed figure, but I knew deep down it was you." Derek gasped at this revelation, as it was the first time Penelope had shared anything with him about that horrible day.

"You should never doubt that I would come for you, Baby. But enough talk of this. I should get you settled in the guest bedroom. You need some rest." Penelope nodded, following him into a well-kept, spacious room. The bed was neatly made, and the sheets smelled especially fresh.

"This is beautiful, handsome," Penelope sighed, sitting down on the mattress as Derek placed her things on the desktop in the room.

"Nothing less for my beautiful girl," he responded, striding over to place a kiss on her forehead. "Now how about you rest for a bit?"

"Can I ask you something first? Are you 'in love' with me for real, or is this just because of what happened to me?" It was a question she'd wanted an answer to for days now, ever since he confessed his love to her when she woke up.

"No, sweetheart, I've been in love with you for years now. I realized it when we had that lunch date all those months ago, right before this whole thing even started. I fell in love with your beauty, intelligence, kindness, humor, caring, and personality way before you ended up in that hospital and I thought I was going to lose you." Penelope felt her eyes welling with tears as he finished. It was the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to her in her entire life.

"And I, handsome, fell in love with you way before you saved my life. Way before I got together with Kevin. It was the minute you called me 'baby girl' the first time that I knew I would always love you. That I would love every part of you, from your strength, biceps, and smoky hotness to your empathy, determination, and loyalty. It will never change, Derek Morgan."

"Neither will my love for you, Penelope Garcia." He embraced her then, enjoying the feeling of her soft body against his rock hard frame. Slowly, he leaned down and placed his lips on hers. She opened her mouth in response to his demanding tongue, already feeling prickly with pleasure. As his tongue ran along her teeth and explored every crevice, she moaned slightly, a sound almost too much for Derek to take. His hands roamed along her back as they kissed, and Penelope made no move to remove them. Her own palms were sliding along his abs, tracing every muscle line.

Finally, the need for oxygen caused them to break apart. Panting heavily, neither of them could deny the chemistry they felt.

"How the hell am I supposed to sleep after that?" Penelope asked teasingly. However, deep down, it was a real question. Ever since she'd woken up, she had been plagued by nightmares of Kevin standing over her bloodsoaked body. She hadn't told Derek about them yet, and she couldn't now, so she hid behind this disguise.

"I have a good idea," Derek responded. He climbed into the bed, motioning her to join him. He placed the covers over the both of them.

"Derek…..no. Not yet." She wasn't strong enough for this, not mentally nor physically.

"Baby, I didn't mean that, at least not now. I would never force myself on you like that. I meant I could just hold you. Just in case you need me." Although Derek had no idea that she was suffering nightmares, he seemed to have just the remedy she needed.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"Hey, this isn't much of a favor if there's nothing else in the world I'd rather be doing," he replied, kissing her hair. She snuggled next to him, placing her head on his chest. He wrapped his arm around her waist.

For one night, there would be peace.

_I managed to update 2 days in a row….yay! And a fluff update, no less! Hope you liked!_


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

The sun spilled through the window, pooling in a shining puddle on the bed Derek and Penelope shared. The intrusion of brightness roused Morgan, who immediately put his hand in front of his eyes to block the rays. He desperately wanted to fall back to sleep, to settle once more with his goddess in his arms, but after a few minutes, he realized it was impossible.

Carefully moving out of the embrace, Derek quietly left the room. Venturing into the kitchen, he gathered the necessary ingredients for a pancake breakfast. He hoped that perhaps this thoughtful gesture would brighten Penelope's day.

Close to an hour later, the meal was prepared, though perhaps slightly more burnt than he'd hoped. He put the food and coffee on a tray and carried it into Penelope's room. She was still curled up under the covers, sound asleep. For a moment, Derek could do nothing but watch as she slept. She was beautiful even then, her eyelashes long, her golden hair still soft and silky, her lips still full and scarlet.

"Morning, princess," he whispered, stroking her cheek lightly with his thumb. Slowly, she stirred, eyes fluttering open. Her lips parted in shock as she saw the tray.

"Derek, you didn't have to do that," Penelope murmured. "But I'm grateful you did." She lifted her head just enough to peck him on the lips.

"Anything for you, Baby Girl. I'm serious about us. I don't want to wait around anymore, not when I'm in love with you now."

"I don't want to wait, either." She pressed her lips fully against his in a passionate kiss. Derek set the tray aside and put his baby girl in his arms as they continued to kiss. She allowed her hand to run up and down his leg, causing him to shiver in pleasure. Moaning, Derek started to nibble on her neck. Damn, she tasted good too. Sweet, tender, everything he had always fantasized about and more.

"Derek! You're going to leave a hickey!" Penelope cried, jerking her head away from him.

"I'm sorry, Penelope," Derek responded, instantly feeling guilty. He realized that he'd just done something incredibly stupid. Penelope was only a couple of weeks removed from the worst experience of her life. His actions had surely triggered some memories that she'd been unwilling to sift through.

"No, I don't really care about a mark. It's just….."

"You're not quite ready?"

"Something like that. I'm so sorry, Derek. I know that this must be annoying you right now, having to deal with me."

"Don't apologize, sweetheart. I'm at fault. It was an insensitive thing to do. We need to take it slow. There's nothing wrong with you, Baby, there's nothing wrong with what you're feeling. I take full responsibility for what just happened. Please forgive me."

"Nothing to forgive, handsome. I just need more time." She kissed him on the cheek. "But it doesn't mean I'm going to stop kissing you." Derek laughed, falling even more in love with her in that moment.

"Your breakfast is going to get cold," he said suddenly. He waited just long enough for her to eat and then he wrapped her mouth up with his again. After a few minutes, both were left gasping and panting, yet couldn't be happier.

"What should we do today?" Penelope asked.

"I don't know how much we can do with you half-immobilized," Derek responded.

"Hey!" She playfully smacked him with a pillow. "I'm not an invalid yet!" Derek retaliated with a light pillow hit to her face. In a moment, the two were thwacking each other in a heated battle. Both were laughing with red faces and eyes alight with mischief.

"I guess you're right!" Derek cried when it settled down. He bent down and kissed her again.

"Only partially. I don't think my body is up to a day out on the town quite yet," Penelope replied, grimacing slightly.

"Are you all right? Did I hurt you?" Instantly, he was running his hands along her body, trying to find the source of her pain.

"No, Hot Stuff, I'm pretty sure it's just that my pain pills wore off. Besides, this was my idea to mess around like that. Maybe we could just watch movies or something instead." Derek smiled at her.

"That sounds perfect. How about I get you situated on the couch with some more pain pills and we watch your favorites?"

"Nothing else I'd rather do," she responded, affectionately squeezing his bicep.

For the remainder of the day, they sat on Derek's couch, arms wrapped around each other, kissing between films. It was a perfect way to spend their time together that day, and if time froze them right there at that very moment, they would be content that way.

But time would roll on, unhindered. And with this passage of time, both would wake up to a new nightmare.

A nightmare both were blissfully ignorant of.

It would start in the most unexpected of places….

_Keep those reviews comin', guys. Hope you liked this installment. More when I have an opportunity to write/post!_


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

_Hey, sorry for the review reply issue. I have no idea who I've thanked and who I haven't…and honestly I've been kind of out of it for a few days. So a HUGE THANKS to those who didn't hear it from me already. I really appreciate all the compliments and urging for more updates!_

_He towered above her. Red slits for eyes gleamed in menace. His eyebrows were furrowed in a pointed V that seemed to leer at her. Blood tipped the corners of his mouth. _

"_Fighting me is useless!" the morphed figure of Kevin Lynch cried, slamming his foot into her stomach. The wind completely knocked out of her, she tried to squirm away from his bulky form. He was too strong, however, his boot refused to let up on her. _

"_Let me go!" she sobbed, fear clawing at her like a wild animal. She was cloaked in darkness, a choking blackness that she couldn't escape, no matter how hard she tried. _

"_Never, darling. I will never let you go," Kevin crooned tauntingly. He forced himself on top of her and began to hack away at her clothes. She was powerless to stop the intrusion. His fingers felt like spiked barbs as they undid her belt buckle. Her whole body screamed with pain, afire with unbelievable agony. _

_When he entered her, it was as though she became disconnected from herself. There was nothing around her but the burning, stabbing, aching hell he was giving her. _

"_You're mine," Kevin whispered. "All mine." He stroked her cheek, and his touch sent daggers through her skin. _

"_No!"_

Panting, Penelope slammed her eyes open. Sweat trickled down her face as she slowly came to realize that it was a dream.

"It's not real, Garcia, it's not real," she tried to reassure yourself. The truth, however, was that it was. It was only a slightly magnified version of what had happened to her only a couple weeks ago. The pain….the taunting….the powerlessness to stop it all. Even now, it haunted her.

She needed Derek. However, a case in Topeka had taken him from her. Oh, how much she wanted to be in his arms at this moment. How much she wanted to have his reassuring body around her! It was almost too much to deal with alone, these constant nightmares that plagued her every waking moment as well.

_Maybe I shouldn't think at all, _she thought. _Just try to forget…..just try to escape. _Inspired, she went into the kitchen she and Derek shared. Pulling out the bottle of vodka, she took several swigs. The drink burned her throat as it slid down, but after a little while, the pain her heart felt started to ebb. By the time the bottle was empty, Penelope was numb. She was completely free of the nightmares, free of the agony, free of the memories she so desperately wanted to be rid of.

Penelope went back to bed, completely satiated with alcohol. She lay there for hours in a deep, dreamless sleep, safe from Kevin, safe from the world, safe from her own minds.

Maybe this was the way to go: forgetting….

Or maybe it was the gateway to a hell neither she nor Derek were prepared for.

_Quickie with a cliffie! What's next? Any guesses?_


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

"Baby, are you okay?" Derek asked the minute he heard Penelope answer the phone. "I've just got this feeling that something is wrong with you." That was an understatement. For the last few minutes, his heart had been pulsating rapidly for reasons that he couldn't explain. Something in his very core had felt…off. When he wracked his brains for an answer, Penelope was the first thing that popped up. He had felt nervous leaving her alone for a few days while he was on the case, especially since she was still cooped up in his house. Of course, he left everything there for her that she could ever need, but still…..

"I'm fine," she replied in a slurred tone. Instantly, Derek knew she'd been drinking. _This early, though? _he wondered.

"Sweetheart, have you been drinking?" he asked, giving her the benefit of the doubt.

"N-No," she responded, flustered. "What makes you say that?"

"I can hear it in your voice, Penelope."

"I'm tired, that's all. I swear." Of course, she was lying. She had woken up with a massive hangover early in the morning, and somehow in her diminished state she had decided that the cure would be to pull out another bottle.

"You know I can tell when you're lying, Garcia. Princess, how about you put the bottle down and talk to me?" Derek knew that there was an underlying cause to her drinking. He realized it was probably related to what Kevin had done to her. It didn't really take a genius like Reid to figure it out.

"Damn it, Derek, I told you I'm not drinking anything! Leave me the hell alone about it!" she cried angrily. Morgan could hear the tears in her voice. Even thousands of miles away, they could still pierce his heart. He hated to hear her break like this.

"Baby Girl, I'm sorry. I guess I could've been wrong. Anything you want to talk about, though?" He decided that the best course of action was to simply appease her. Any more prodding and she would hang up on him…..and he still vividly remembered the last time she had hung up on him…

"Not really," Penelope mumbled. "Thanks for calling to check on me, though." She was about to hit END when-

"I'm on my way back, so don't think I'm going to drop the issue, okay?" No. He couldn't. Not when she was…in this condition. Not when the pupils of her eyes were dilated and she reeked of alcohol.

"The case is over?" she squeaked, trying to remain calm.

"No, but I told Hotch that I'm more needed here than in Topeka. They have the profile, they'll get the guy."

"Really, you don't have to drop everything just to come to me. I told you, I'm fine." She wasn't fine, not fine at all, but it was better to suffer in silence than have him see her in this state.

"You can't stop me from coming back to my own house. I'm worried about you, Penelope."

"Derek, I don't WANT you to be worried about me! I'm totally okay!" Her tone was much harsher than intended, much more angry. Unexplained fury was swelling in her body, irritation at Derek that she never knew she could have.

"Why are you pissed at me when all I've done is try and help you?" he fired back. Instantly, Derek regretted his words. They had spewed from his mouth like bullets before he could stop them. In no way did he regret anything he had done for her. In fact, he wished he could do far more. He just didn't understand why she refused him now when it was clear that she needed him.

"Am I a burden on you, Derek? Do you regret bringing me into your home? Do you regret kissing me, or telling me you love me?" She was sobbing now, her eyes filled to the brim with real, raw emotion.

"No, sweetness, that's not what I meant to say! I'm sorry!"

_Click._

She had hung up. Panic constricted in Derek's throat. He had no idea what she was going to do now, now that she thought he didn't love her. Damn, he was such an ass. So what if she had drank? He probably would've done worse if he was in her shoes.

A couple of hours later, he had arrived at the house. Fumbling with his keys, all he could think about was Penelope's tear-soaked words: _Am I a burden on you?_ He had never hated himself more than he did at this moment. Making her feel like that was perhaps the worst thing he had ever caused anyone to feel.

Derek shoved the door open and dashed into his house.

"Penelope!" His voice was laced with terror as he ran from room to room. Would she be here still? Even injured, she could probably find her way out. And if she was here, in what state would she be in?

_Opening the door to their shared bedroom, Derek gasped. _

_I swear the drinking thing has NOTHING to do with last night's episode!_


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

_Opening the door to their shared bedroom, Derek gasped in shock. _His eyes fell upon the bed. Penelope was sitting in the middle of the mattress. What caused his shock was the expression on her face.

She was like stone. Her eyes seemed like two murky gray marbles. All energy had been zapped from them. They were glazed, not reacting to his sudden entrance. The rest of her face seemed like granite chiseled out of a deep abyss. Expressionless, cold, distant. Her legs were crossed and still, her hands entwined and resting on her lap. The only way Derek was able to tell that it wasn't a statue was the faint motion of her chest.

"Penelope!" he cried. She turned her head at last, and her eyes lit up, though it was a barely perceptible action. "What's going on with you, sweetheart?"

"Don't call me that." Her voice was stiff and robotic, yet still thick with alcohol. "Don't ever use pet names like that if you don't really mean them."

"But I do mean it, Penelope. I'm so sorry for what I said on the phone. It's just that I'm really worried about you and I don't understand why you won't let me help you." Silently, Derek prayed that she would accept his apology and then tell him what he knew she needed to tell him.

"You can't help. No one can," she responded. "Not even the vodka…it's only a temporary fix." At least she had admitted she'd been drinking. Not that he couldn't smell it on her breath or anything.

"Of course it doesn't help, princess. Talking it out does. Why don't you just tell me what's keeping you down today?"

"I-I…can't. It hurts too much," Penelope stuttered. She could feel the tears rolling down her face, but she didn't wipe them away.

"Keeping it bottled in won't make the pain any easier. Trust me, baby girl, I know." He leaned in and kissed her forehead, his arm wrapping around her waist.

"You don't know, Derek. You don't know what it's like to be….._used….._like that. You have no idea what I'm going through." She had to work hard to keep the image of Kevin, towering over her broken body, at bay.

"Don't I?" he asked. This was his last chance, he could see that. He decided to seize it by bringing up the worst experience of his life.

"Buford didn't rape you to within an inch of your life, Derek. It's not the same." Penelope's words sounded bitter even to herself, but she couldn't stop them from spilling out. She knew it was insensitive, but so great was her intoxication and grief that she just didn't care.

"I still have the scars, baby. I still have those emotional triggers every time there's a case involving children," Derek answered patiently, trying not to get angry with her. He knew she didn't really mean what she said.

"You do? But you're so strong."

"I am, but it came at a price. Over the years, I've learned to cope. You've helped me with that just by being the woman I love." Penelope was stunned at his response. Never had Derek been so open about himself all at once. And she really hadn't expected that kind of answer.

"You do love me?"

"Why would you ever doubt that?" Derek asked as he stroked her hair. "Since I met you, it's the only emotion that I've felt for you."

"I just wanted to hear you say it one more time, I guess." She smiled at him before pecking his lips. "Love you back."

Though her words seemed cheery enough, Derek caught the nuances. She was still in deep depression.

"Now please, baby, tell me." Her eyes welled up for a moment, but she quickly regained composure.

"It's the nightmares. They're haunting me every night. I can barely sleep. And I guess it's not just when I'm in bed. I can see Kevin standing over me, hear his voice, feel the pain…every waking moment. I remember everything from that day as if it just happened. It's like…he's still above me, like he never left, like you never saved me."

By the end, Derek could feel his throat constrict. He knew that what had happened would surely come back to her in flashbacks, but he hadn't expected what she told him. His heart ached for her. She was right: it was far worse than what had happened to him all those years ago.

"Oh….sweetheart…I'm so sorry. I never should have gone on that case. I should have stayed with you."

"It wouldn't have changed anything. I had the nightmares while you were with me, but they weren't quite as bad. I just didn't tell you. A night or so ago-I've lost all track of time now-they were so bad that I downed a whole bottle of vodka just to get through the night." She buried her face in his chest and began to cry. Her sobs reverberated through her whole body, bringing about physical pain as well. Derek could do nothing but stroke her hair, kiss every inch of her forehead, and whisper declarations of love and promises that he would always be there for her.

"I promise, my beautiful baby girl, that I will never let you go in harm's way again. I promise that I will love you forever and always, and that I will protect you until my dying day. Never be afraid to wake me in the middle of the night so I can scare your bad dreams away, never be afraid to call me during a case just to work through your emotions, never be afraid to ask me for the world, because I would give it to you in a heartbeat."

No bond was stronger than the one right there in that bedroom, none more steadfast than the embrace they held onto. Neither was going to let the either go.

_Unless fate intervened….._

_Obviously, I'm not done. I know a lot of people would want me to wrap it up here…but honestly I have this great last scene that I want to do that can't happen if I end now. So a bit more angst…that will probably surprise all of you. It's unlike anything I've ever done…._


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

_Hey, I'm back! Been a bit ill and tired and super busy so that's all the excuses I can offer for not updating for a bit! Again, I don't think I got to everyone who reviewed…but thank you so very much for reviewing despite this. It makes my day a little better! Keep it up please!_

"Hey, Baby Girl, I really need you to work your magic now," Derek sweetly said into the phone.

"What do you need, Derek?" Penelope asked with a sigh. She could hear him frown at the lack of enthusiasm or a pet name.

"Sweetheart, are you all right? Something bothering you?" Derek asked, worried. He'd already been away from her for two days. She had sounded absolutely fine last night, and it didn't sound like she had been drinking.

"Nothing's wrong, Handsome. Just kinda tired this morning. I swear it wasn't because I was up all night-I think it's a Monday thing." That wasn't the entire truth, but at least she hadn't lied about her bedtime. In fact, she had fallen asleep a little earlier than usual.

"Are you sure? You know I can get out of the case and come to you." Derek didn't add the fact that he could get out of anything just to come to her.

"I'm sure, Derek. I'm all right. I haven't touched the liquor cabinet or been all depressed. Don't always feel the need to come to me. I mean, I appreciate the thought, but I can take care of myself just like everyone else on this team." Penelope hoped her words didn't sound too harsh. She hadn't meant for them to come out sounding ungrateful or berating.

"I know that…I just want to make sure that you never feel alone. I love you too much to let you suffer and not do anything to help."

"Thank you. I love you too. But shouldn't we get back to the case?" Derek grunted in consent and she gave him the required information before a final exchanged I-love-you and then the call was ended.

Penelope groaned and rested her head on her hand. She felt like shit—and it was only ten o'clock. Her skull felt like it had been smashed in with a hammer and her whole body was achy and her stomach was churning. _I've felt like this every morning all week, _she thought bitterly. _As if I didn't have enough to worry about. _

Nauseous, she suddenly stood up from her chair and made a break for the bathroom. Moments later, she was heaving up what felt like all of her intestines. Her head pounded and she felt waves of exhaustion run up and down her entire body. Flushing the toilet, she simply sat at the base, feeling like she'd been hit by bus.

And then a horrible thought entered her mind, an idea so horrifying that she nearly threw up again just at the notion of it. Certainly she wasn't…there was no possible way. She and Derek…..they hadn't…..but it was possible that _HE_…..no. No, it wasn't. It just wasn't true.

But she had to be sure. She finished her workload for the day, but only went through the motions, as her mind was elsewhere.

On her way home, she stopped by a pharmacy and picked up what she needed. By this time, her stomach was aflutter with thousands of tiny butterflies….only they had metal spikes for wings. The next morning, she would learn the truth. It frightened her, the truth. Penelope often tried to hide from the truth in order to protect her sanity…but now she had to run towards it…..

At the crack of dawn…Penelope herself cracked. The pink positive sign on that white stick from hell spun her world off its axis.

_Kevin was standing above her…..laughing…she was squirming on the ground….a baby's cry filtered through….he laughed harder, thrust harder….Pain shot into every orifice of her body….she could feel something kicking in her stomach…..biting…..it was a monster, growing inside her…..she was pregnant with a monster…Kevin had won after all…..And the monster was clawing through her skin….trying to get out…..the hideous thing Kevin put inside her was ripping through her body, trying to hurt her as much as possible…..it was destroying her from the inside out. _

In a frenzy, the haunted Penelope knew she had to get out. She threw all her clothes and other possessions into her suitcase. In her warped mind, she couldn't face Derek and tell him she was pregnant with the child of a monster. She couldn't accept his love and kindness…not with the devil inside her.

_One last look at the house…one more fleeting glimpse of the life she was leaving….._

_And then she turned her back to it._

_The holocaust was complete._

_A/N: I AM NOT A PSYCHOLOGIST. I absolutely love that subject, but I haven't had a single HS class of it (not till next year). Basically, I kind of see Penelope as suffering from PTSD for the last few chapters…and her revelation this chapter triggered her break. I kind of borrowed from episode 2x17 in which a single event sets off a soldier with PTSD into a false reality that he's back in battle. So I have no idea really if what just happened is possible in real life. But this is a fiction story. So let me know what you think. (last line borrowed from The Great Gatsby)_


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty-One

Derek was beat. The case had zapped most of his energy. Sure, they'd gotten the SOB, but not until five young boys had been killed. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw their faces, terror permanently etched onto them. The wide open eyes, glazed with death, seem to glare into his soul….blaming him…..

Derek shook his head. He couldn't let the job get into his head too much, couldn't let the horrors he saw almost every day work their way into his mind and eat away from the inside out. He needed to get home, get back to Penelope, wrap his arms around his solace and let his troubles melt away. The team were almost back to the airport outside of the FBI building in Quantico, and he had never been so happy to realize that.

"You okay?" Emily Prentiss asked as she went to sit next to him. "You seem really preoccupied. In fact, you've kinda been out of it the whole case. Anything you wanna tell me?"

"I'm fine. It's just been a long-ass case. I want to get home."

"And…..this wouldn't have anything to do with our technical analyst, now would it?" Emily teased with a smile. Derek laughed and elbowed her gently.

"You got me, Agent Emily Prentiss. Man, never try to fool a profiler," he jokingly retorted.

"Not much of a profile if you call her all the time and you always seem to be worrying or thinking about her. More like, Amor 101," Emily replied with a wink. "You're head over heels in love with her. It was hard to NOT notice."

"Good," Derek responded. "I'm not ashamed to say I am in love with my fair lady Penelope Garcia." His words came out part in fun, yet part serious. He WAS in love with her. It was only her recent experiences that had kept him from ravishing her whole body as much as he could.

The plane began to make its descent to the ground. Derek laughed as Prentiss briefly clutched her stomach as they dipped. She had never been fond of that jittery feeling that came with flying down.

"You all right there?" he asked with a tease.

"Shut up, Morgan. I guess we're even now." Secretly, she was glad that she'd gotten him to smile. She just hoped that he could find peace at home with Penelope.

Arriving home, Derek was surprised to find that no lights were on. It was only 11:00. Penelope would wait up for him until 1:00 on some occasions, so it was odd that she would be sleeping. Entering, he gasped in shock.

All of her things were gone. In the bathroom, all of her soaps, brushes, and hair things had disappeared. Their room….was completely deserted of all things Penelope. Her suitcase was missing. So was she.

"Penelope! Penelope! BABY GIRL!" he called, frantic, even though he didn't expect her to respond. He tore through every room, looking for a sign that she was still there and hadn't done what he feared she did. Dialing her cell, he was horrified to discover it wedged between their bed and the wall.

She was gone. She was gone. She had left him. But….why? Tears ran down Derek's face as he tried to comprehend the truth that was right in front of him. Had he done something wrong? Had she gotten upset with him and…..run off with someone else? No…..she had sounded completely in love with him the last time they talked. Maybe a little tired…but that was all.

Entering the bathroom, Derek was surprised to find a small white stick on the carpet. The pink plus sign seemed to punch him in the stomach. _She was pregnant…..and it wasn't his. _It was impossible…..even if she'd hooked up with someone while he was on a case…..she wouldn't have started to notice the signs yet. It was too early.

And then he knew. He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt EXACTLY who had caused this. He realized the anguish Penelope must've felt as she looked at the test, the knowledge that she was carrying HIS baby….it must've thrown her over the edge.

Morphed and enraged, Derek Morgan headed for the state prison…..all control lost….his heart pumping angered blood through his body…..his world was black now, completely black without Penelope in it…and it was all Kevin Lynch's fault.

"For you, Baby Girl. I'm doing this for you. And then I'm going to find you. I'm going to find you and I'm going to ask you to marry me. I've only known a few minute of your disappearance…..I can't even imagine the rest of my life being spent without you being by my side." It was the one promise he would wholeheartedly intend to keep…..

_Meanwhile, a young brunette woman sat alone in an airport. Tear tracks stained her face, errant locks of what looked like a bad dye job hair seemed to go every which way. Her eyes were darting left and right in a disoriented fashion._ _She held a plane ticket for what looked like an international flight…one way._


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty-Two

The anger that radiated from Derek's skin was as bitter and raw as a slab of meat. It smelled of violence, of pure hatred. Sweat formed a sheen on his forehead and it glinted maliciously in the sun. His eyes were two slits of vengeance, yet if one looked deep into them, they would see the grief and pain he felt-the kind of agony that comes when one loses the world.

He entered the jail and tried to relax his muscles, to put on a mask and act calmer than he truly was. The officers nodded when they saw his badge, not suspecting that an FBI agent was almost as unhinged as the prisoner. They didn't even think to ask him to hand over his firearms….

"Hello, Agent Morgan," Kevin greeted calmly as his eyes fell upon Derek as the latter entered the cell. Lynch wasn't restrained in any way-apparently he'd exemplified "good behavior". That alone was sickening.

"You don't have the RIGHT to call me ANYTHING!" Derek bellowed, grabbing Kevin by the throat. Luckily, all of the officers were oblivious to what was going on.

"Wh-What's go-going on?" Lynch asked, trying helplessly to break free of Derek's hold. His face was starting to turn a deep shade of red.

"YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IS GOING ON!" Derek slackened his grip on Kevin, causing the prisoner to fall in a pathetic heap to the ground.

"How the hell am I supposed to know anything when I'm in jail?" he replied, coughing. "You think they let me have internet in this hellhole?"

"YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU HAVE NO IDEA, MY ASS!" Bile burned in Derek's throat. His emotions were clawing through his entire being. Red spots dotted his vision, such was the magnitude of his clouded rage.

"Well, really, if my guess is right, you should be congratulating me for being a daddy," Kevin stated defiantly, picking himself up from the grimed floor. If it was possible, Derek's blood boiled even hotter.

"YOU SCREWED UP HER ENTIRE LIFE, AND YOU DON'T GIVE A DAMN? PENELOPE IS GONE! YOUR ACTIONS TOOK HER FROM ME!" His fingers found his concealed weapon. They were aching to use it. But he didn't pull it out, not yet. Kevin had to suffer a bit more.

"Well, since I've been in this jail for awhile, I don't think I could have physically taken her away from you. That was her choice. Maybe…..maybe Penny doesn't love you anymore. I'll bet that's why she left. She's probably sick of you! Can't really blame her. Did you grab her by the neck like you just did to me? Cause if you did, well, it's understandable that she would leave you." Kevin's taunts bit deep into Derek, but they didn't slow him. In a single motion, he removed his gun from the holster and pointed it at Lynch's head.

"SHE DIDN'T LEAVE ME, SHE LEFT THE NIGHTMARE SHE WAS LIVING KNOWING THAT YOU RAPED HER AND PUT SOME OF YOURSELF INTO HER! YOU TOOK HER FROM ME, LYNCH! AND NOW, I THINK I SHOULD TAKE SOMETHING FROM YOU!" His index finger found the cold metallic trigger. How easy it would be to take out the son of a bitch right now! He had a silencer on right now, and by the time anyone figured it out, he could be long gone.

"Do you wanna know what triggered me to hurt her like that?" Lynch suddenly asked, causing Derek to pause. "It was the lily you gave her. I found it with her. If you hadn't given it to her…..well…none of this would have happened."

Derek was stunned. The wind was knocked out of him due to the force of Kevin's words. His lily….intended as a gift….was to blame? He felt sick. This was his fault. Tears clotted his throat and mingled with the sweat running down his face. He knew deep down that, really, it was ridiculous to blame a flower for what had happened, but his desperation had blanked most of his rationality.

"I don't care what your reasoning was, Lynch. You took her from me, you took the only woman that I've ever loved wholeheartedly. Now…..you will pay." His words came out whispered, yet had the same potency as his shouts. He raised his gun slightly, indecisive as to where he should aim. Hit the femoral and wait for him to bleed out? For every tear Penelope had cried, he wanted Kevin to bleed at least five times over. He wanted him to suffer tenfold for his crimes, he wanted him to feel the pain and agony she had felt as he entered her and as she saw her pregnancy test.

"Morgan, put the gun down." Incredibly, Hotch was standing at the jail cell door. Startled, Derek sharply twisted his head around, yet kept his gun pointed at Kevin.

"He's mine to finish, Hotch. Let me have him." How the hell had his boss ended up here now?

"Killing him won't help her, you know." But Hotch didn't know….he didn't know that Penelope was pregnant and had left.

"HE TOOK HER FROM ME! SHE LEFT AFTER SHE REALIZED HE GOT HER PREGNANT!" Derek bellowed. Hotch nodded somberly. In his gut, he had always suspected that something like this could happen: that Penelope, as strong-willed and courageous as she was, could snap if something horrible enough happened. Now, he had to rely on his leadership to help Morgan from the edge of the cliff and back to sanity.

"If you kill her, then how can you go try and find her, Derek? How can you get her back when you're behind bars and you don't have any FBI connections to help you find her faster?"

"I DON'T CARE!" he cried. "I HAVE TO MAKE SURE HE PAYS!" Derek's finger was mere millimeters from sending Kevin to certain doom.

"Morgan, he'll pay when he realizes that what he did didn't ruin you. When you get Penelope back, he'll pay when he finds out that he wasn't able to break you. That's the best kind of payment you can reap from him. He dies, and his suffering ends. Imagine if he is suffering for the rest of his life knowing that he lost."

Derek knew that Hotch was right. As much as it sickened him, the truth was that it was stupid to kill even pricks like Kevin. He slowly put his gun down.

And that was when Lynch lunged. Fueled by the sentence that Hotch had given him, he snapped once more. He flew through the air towards Derek….

And fell as Hotch suddenly raised his own gun and sent a bullet through his brain. Kevin slumped ungracefully back to the ground, a fitting end to his miserable life. He was now just a shell, a dirty body with no soul.

And Derek was able to take no more than two steps before he fell in a heap, breaking down completely. His cries were agonizing because they were of a man that had lost what mattered most to him and had just fully realized it. Hotch knelt next to him.

"It's all right, Morgan. It's all right," he repeated over and over, tears glistening his own face as well. He of course, understood exactly what Morgan was going through…..

"I've got to find her," Derek vowed through his tears, clenching his teeth. "I've got to find her."

Rain pattered on the jailhouse, as if the world shared his pain.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty-Three

_Ok, so I really hoped to have this all done by Christmas, but I have a sinking feeling that I won't. If that is the case, any updates after that wouldn't be for a LONG time. It's unavoidable, I fear. Thanks for the continuing support. I hope that the route I'm taking doesn't disappoint, but honestly, I like the idea. _

Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds (dang).

"Start from the beginning, Morgan. What happened when you got home?" Hotch's voice was not condescending in the least. He needed to find out exactly what fueled Derek's temporary break from sanity.

"I got home just as soon as I could after we landed in Quantico. The house was dark and in disarray. Penelope was gone, as were her possessions. I found a positive pregnancy test on the floor in the bathroom. The only possible father of the child would be Kevin Lynch." Derek's voice was a robotic monotone, free of emotion. He was a hollow man now, a mere shell of the man who used to have it all but now had nothing.

"Why would she leave?" Hotch questioned. His fingers drummed against the wooden table, mere inches from the tape recorder that was documenting every word. "We need to have an account of your theories to make absolutely sure that you weren't responsible in any way for her disappearance."

"Why the hell would I abduct the woman I love? What kind of dumbass would think that?" Sudden anger glinted in Derek's eyes.

"I know you didn't hurt her. But not everyone does. So….why do you think she left?" For a moment, there was silence, a thick, foggy, silence that reverberated around the whole room.

"I don't have to think. I know. She was suffering from PTSD way before she found out she was pregnant. She had nightmares, was withdrawn, depressed, drank herself senseless one time. I seriously thought she was going to be okay. I believe she was getting a little better-until she found out she was pregnant with the child of a rapist. It triggered a severe PTSD reaction. In her mind, she felt like she had no other option but to leave. Maybe she couldn't face me with someone else's baby growing inside her."

"Where do you think she would go?"

"If I knew that, do you think I would be sitting here speaking into some damn tape recorder? This is a waste of my time! I should be out looking for her!" Angered sweat bubbled on his forehead. He was a broken, bitter man now. The only thing that could restore him was gone, and here he was wasting his time when he could be trying to get her back!

"She could've gone back underground, like she was before she was employed by the FBI. She probably has connections that we don't know about," Hotch conjectured. That, in Derek's opinion, made it look like Penelope was involved in something illegal now. She wouldn't be…she just wouldn't revert back to her old lifestyle…would she? Well….after all…..she HAD snapped…

He shook his head silently. He had to believe the best about her. She wouldn't, not even in a somewhat delusional state, do anything like that again. The woman that he loved and treasured more than he could comprehend simply wasn't capable of that anymore.

"So where do we start?"

"We put her picture out to the public. JJ can appeal to her via a press conference if it becomes necessary. And….we wait. No matter what we do, she won't come back until she's ready. You need to prepare yourself for the possibility that she might not come back…for a long time." Hotch decided to leave out the word "forever"-and Derek knew it.

"She'll come back. She can't just leave me like this." Even as he spoke the words…he had his doubts.

_Meanwhile…_

_A tear-streaked woman had been found at a hospital. No ID. She had simply wandered into the building and had collapsed suddenly as she walked up to the desk. No one knew who she was or where she had come from. She was nameless, faceless._

_When she awoke, doctors became aware of her mental state. They sent her to the psychiatric ward. She hadn't objected…nor had she coughed up name. _

_It was as if she hadn't existed anywhere in the world until then. And if she had…she had turned her back on her life and had settled for a meaningless existence. She had no memories of her past, no one to call a family member or friend. No name. _

_She didn't even have a French passport on her. _


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty Four

_I am BACK! Thanks for your patience—especially for the review replies! Glad everyone is still reading!_

_How the HELL did I get here? _was the first thing Penelope thought as she opened her eyes. Her eyes fell upon four blank white walls, unwelcoming and unfamiliar. It was almost as though she had resurfaced from a deep and dark ocean after being trapped there for a long time, struggling for air….and now she was free. Or was she?

"Good morning," a nurse greeted in a monotone as she entered. It almost sounded like she'd been pre-programmed to say that.

"Why am I here?" Penelope's voice felt thick and cottony, nearly unrecognizable as her own. The nurse paused, dropping her clipboard and pen. The resounding clang as the objects hit the floor reverberated into Penelope's very being. Suddenly, she became acutely aware that something was completely _wrong. _Wherever she was, and however she had ended up there, she knew it didn't happen under normal circumstances.

"Doctor! The patient is talking!" the nurse cried-in _French. _Why was she not speaking English. This was Virginia, after all. _Or was it?_

_A plane. She had been on a plane. It had been a long flight…..she remembered flying over an ocean…..she'd disembarked…._

_And then it was foggy from there._

"Did you ask for a name?" Penelope was brought back to the present as the doctor's crisp French pierced her ears. She, of course, could speak the language fluently, and for that she was grateful.

"No, I was too shocked!" the nurse replied, her eyes still as wide as saucers. She and the doctor stared long and hard at their patient, as though she was the painting that could be either a duck or a bunny and they were trying to figure her out.

"Do you know your name?" the doctor finally asked, though he reverted back to English, considering perhaps that that was the only language she knew.

"Penelope Garcia," Penelope answered clearly. "Where I am I? What am I doing here?" The two people in front of her exchanged nervous glances.

"You've been here in a pysch ward in the general hospital in Paris more than two weeks," the nurse responded uneasily. "And you've been awake about as the average person usually is. Meaning, you were never unconscious or anything."

Penelope was stunned, hardly able to comprehend what the doctors said. She'd been here for awhile, yet she didn't remember it? She wracked her brain, trying to recall any sliver of a detail, but all that came was a fog.

"It could be a result of PTSD," the doctor muttered. "We did find evidence of massive physical trauma suffered a few months ago, including wounds indicative of rape. Remember, she's also pregnant. I think we've got this figured out." He said all this in a voice too hushed for Penelope to make out.

"Please, doctor, explain this to me!" she exclaimed. "I need to know what's wrong with me, why I would've come all the way to France from Virginia!"

"You know that you are from Virginia?" the doctor asked, making a note of it on his clipboard. "Do you remember anything else on your own? Maybe the phone number of a relative that we could call?"

No. She couldn't. Try as she might, Penelope couldn't think of a single person she knew. There must be _someone _that was worried about her right now…..at least she hoped. She didn't truly live a hermit's life…..did she? Why didn't she know anyone? And then she felt something move, ever so slightly, in her stomach.

"Am I…..Am I pregnant?" she whispered in disbelief. The nurse could only nod apologetically. Penelope quickly realized that she must know someone else: the father of the baby!

"Can you figure out who the father is?" she asked. The nurse shook her head.

"We'll have to wait until the child is born. I need to warn you though: we did find physical evidence to suggest you had been assaulted a few months prior to your arrival at the hospital."

She'd been raped. The word the nurse was so trying to avoid. Penelope felt sick. Maybe the only person she'd ever known was someone who hurt her…

She was alone. Completely alone in the world, with no one to keep her company but a doctor and a nurse in a French psycho ward.

_A lily. A lily flashed through her vision. A lily, bloodstained and broken, lying on the ground. A shadow of a man reaching down to pick it up. He held the lily in his hands, tenderly caressing it as his shoulders shook. He stroke each petal gently, as though the lily meant the world to him. And then the flower wilted completely, despite his tender care. It was fallen, dead. There was nothing he could do to bring it back, no matter how hard he begged it to. _

Penelope's eyes filled with tears. Her vision made little sense to her….and yet it did. _A lily. _It seemed important to her…somehow. The man holding it…..who was he? Why did he care so much for a bloodstained flower?

Why couldn't she remember?

It was as though she was drowning and someone was throwing her a line, but every time she went to grasp it….it would slide through the gaps between her fingers and slip away.

_I researched the effects of PTSD, and memory loss like this is possible, so there is some truth to this fic. So we learn a bit about what happened to Penelope…..next chapter we will have some Derek. This might not be as straightforward as one would think…._


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty Five

_Clouds. That was what he remembered the most from that day. Piles of gray, the color of bullets and the lives they took, were suspended above his head, as though they were weighted upon it. They were full of rain, of suppressed precipitation that seemed to mirror his own hidden emotions. Everyone around him was crying, yet he remained stony and rigid, like a gravestone. _

"_We are gathered today to celebrate the life of a loving husband, a caring father, a devoted cop…."_

_He bit his lip, not wanting to hear the dull, empty words of the minister. He was disgusted with the fact that the man had to use notecards. Notecards. The man talking didn't know his father at all! Why was he allowed to preach about "the fullness of this man's life" and "Although we will all miss him, we have to believe that God is taking care of him", when he didn't understand the magnitude of the situation at all?_

"_It's all right, Derek," he heard his mother whisper. "Hold onto my hand, okay?" He clutched her hand tightly, and as he did so, he felt her wedding band under his fingers. The metal seared through his skin, the symbolism of the ring gutting him instantly. _

_The clouds, overwhelmed with moisture, finally broke._

_Rain fell. _

Derek shook himself alert. He looked down and realized his right hand was shaking and sweaty. Brushing his forehead with his palm, he realized that it was covered in perspiration as well. He felt tear tracks on his cheek.

Why? Why were these old memories plaguing him now? Why did they have to resurface as he was going through something almost as miserable? The death of his father still tasted just as bitter as it did all those years ago, it still haunted him, clutched him in a vice-like grip.

He had been with his father when he died. He had seen the lead ball penetrate a vulnerable patch of flesh, seen a sudden puddle of blood begin to expand, seen how his father fell like a floppy puppet. And he had run. Run from the masked perpetrator still wielding the gun. He hadn't tried to save his father, hadn't tried to stop the bleeding, hadn't even held his hand as he departed this earth. He had run. He hadn't tried to defend his father. He had run.

In his mind, Derek subconsciously replaced his father with Penelope, and the gunman with not just Kevin, but a black cloud. The black cloud that had been draped over her ever since she had been attacked was poised to strike. And he ran. Penelope was helpless against what haunted her, and all he could do was run. He heard her screams as they raked against his ears, but he was powerless to rush to her side. He ran.

"Derek." Rossi's voice cut through his second horrifying fantasy. Morgan jumped. He was unaware that the older agent had been there the whole time.

"This isn't your fault, you know. You can't be blamed for what happened with Penelope. You can't be held responsible for what Kevin did, or how she started to suffer from PTSD."

"Says you, Rossi. You weren't the one who had her in your home. You weren't the one that left her alone while you went off to hunt bad guys when the real bad guy was right here in Quantico." Derek swallowed hard, feeling like a slimy, thick stone was lodged in his throat.

"But it wasn't your fault she ran. That was her decision, a decision influenced by the effects of a trauma you didn't give her."

"I was the one taking care of her, though. I was the one who swore on my very life to protect. I was the one that fell in love with her and the one I thought she fell in love with back." As soon as the last sentence was out, he regretted saying it. It wasn't a confession he was willing to voice aloud quite yet.

"She loves you, Derek. That much I know. And I don't think she ever truly doubted your love for her, especially when you consider the fact that you were the one who saved her from Kevin. Without you, she would've died for sure from what he did to her."

"Then why run? Whatever she was going through, even that pregnancy, it wasn't something we couldn't have worked past."

For a moment, there was silence. Rossi seemed to be having a debate with himself over what to say. Finally, he spoke.

"Derek, I'm going to tell you something that you should probably listen to. When I was younger, I was a lot like you. I liked to mess around with a lot of women, not really into the whole relationship thing. But then…..I met Caroline. My first wife. We met at a club. We…uh…..hooked up that night. A couple months later, a friend of hers called me out of the blue, long after Caroline and I had gone our separate ways. She told me that I had gotten her pregnant. That Caroline had been so horrified and ashamed that she didn't want to tell anyone, least of all me. Apparently, she had spiraled, fallen into a depression. She was going to be a single mother, all alone, but she was too ashamed of herself to call me, the father. Her friend had had to go through all her stuff to find the number I had given her, just in case we ever, you know, wanted to 'do it', again."

"…It's not the same, Rossi. She was living with me. Although I never had sex with her, we had kissed a lot. And I wasn't even the father of her child. The father was a rapist son of a bitch." Rossi sighed, realizing that his passionate speech hadn't made much of a difference.

"She'll come back, Derek. She'll come back to you one day, and my guess is she won't blame you in the least for anything that happened. She'll come back and she'll still love you…..she'll probably apologize for leaving you because that's the type of person she is. You need to have faith."

"Faith?" Morgan practically spat. "I gave up on faith when that bullet struck my father's head. I gave up on faith when a bastard used me for years. And I'm giving up faith because if God were real, he wouldn't have taken the only woman I've ever loved with my entire heart away from me."

"Don't give up on faith, Derek. God saved Penelope from death when she was mere inches from it….twice. Both times, you were praying. He won't let you go through more than you can handle. Penelope will come back to you. You have to believe that, you hear me?"

Derek sighed resignedly. He rubbed his head with his hand and squinted his eyes shut in concentration.

"That's all good and fine…as long as she's still alive. What if she's dead, Dave? What if she CAN'T come back to me? What am I to do then? I don't think I can go on each day….without her being there…knowing that she'll never be."

Silence blanketed the air and hung like a storm cloud about to unleash hell upon the both.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter Twenty Six

_I seriously meant to publish this yesterday, but as I was writing, my own Derek Morgan called, so there goes that (as in, my very close friend that said he loves me—TMI I know but there you are). We're back in France…..I had Pen go there because in s1e19 she says she speaks French, in case there was any confusion. Thanks for the reviews and alerts-they are always great motivators!_

"Don't be frustrated, Penelope. You'll get your memories back soon. Just give it time." There it was. The mantra the nurses kept repeating in halted English, trying to soothe her, though it was unsuccessful for the most part. The sheer anguish Penelope felt at not being able to remember basically anything except her name and the state she was from couldn't be measured.

"How can you be so sure?" she sighed. Every day she had asked, but every day the answer had been mumbled and not very assured at all. It had been two weeks since she had partially emerged from the fog over her, yet she was no closer to grasping any sort of truth.

"You're not the only case of PTSD I've seen," the nurse replied as she began to take Penelope's vitals. So far, they'd always checked out okay, but this was a fact that did little to aid her uneasiness about her condition.

"Yeah, but have any been as bad as mine?" The nurse was silent, and the lack of a response spoke volumes.

"You know what helps me when I'm stressed? Watching TV. Want me to turn it on to the American channels we get?" Penelope rolled her eyes. How the HELL would that help? She shrugged nonchalantly, deciding not to voice her objections. The nurse grabbed the remote and flipped the power on.

"…We are urging this man to come forward…." There, on the screen, was a slight blonde woman, holding what looked like a sketch of a man. The woman looked….familiar, somehow, but Penelope couldn't place her at all.

"Stop here," she begged the nurse, hoping that if she watched for a few minutes, she would be able to figure out the identity of the woman.

"This is a national news broadcast in the States. Apparently there's been a man who's been killing throughout the whole country," the nurse explained. "Why would you want to watch this?"

"…..I-I can't explain, exactly. I just have this feeling that I knew the woman….." Penelope let her voice taper, hardly daring to believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. It was as though the world was somehow becoming clearer, even though she still didn't know who the woman was.

"I think she's with the FBI. Probably from the behavioral analysis unit; from what I hear, they're one of the best units in the world." The FBI? Why would she know anyone from the FBI? Penelope was instantly confused.

"Thank you for waiting. Now I can answer any questions you have." The woman nodded at someone in the crowd.

"Is it true that you are down an agent? Is it true that she ran away?" a voice piped out. The woman's face twisted in shock and sadness.

"Where did you hear this?" she asked, her brow furrowing, as though she was trying to keep herself under control.

"Word gets out. So, is it true? The FBI is missing an employee and you're out here giving a press conference?" The woman looked completely helpless, completely unsure of how to respond. Suddenly, someone pushed her aside and stood on the platform. The man now in front of the microphone seemed to spark something inside of Penelope.

He was dark, nearly the color of chocolate. Penelope could see his firm, toned biceps even through the 'snowy' TV screen. His face was creased with worry lines, his eyes were filled with a sadness and longing that went far beyond anything she'd ever seen before. He seemed lost somehow, so lost that not even his good looks and excellent physical condition could save him.

"I'm only going to say one thing about the missing agent before we get back to other questions pertinent to the capture of the Unsub. The agent…was not just an agent. She was a dear friend. A dear friend that went through unimaginable tragedies. Her disappearance had nothing to do with what we have here, that we are 100% sure of.

"If she could hear me right now, I'd tell her, with all these cameras here, that I love her and that I want her back. That she has nothing, absolutely nothing, to be ashamed of. I'd tell her that she means the world to me, that I'm incomplete with her not here. Baby Girl, if you're watching this right now, come back. Come back to me and I will tell you all of this for the rest of forever if you need me to."

"Wow. That agent has some issues. Why would he make that big announcement during a press conference about some wacko murderer?" the nurse tsked as she turned the TV off. She glanced at her patient, and was shocked to see that she was crying.

"That man…..I KNOW I've seen him before. I can feel it, right here in my heart," Penelope sobbed. "Do you think….do you think he was talking about me?"

"I wouldn't know," the nurse responded briskly, uncomfortable among all the tears. "I don't know Agent Derek Morgan at all. The only reason I know his name is because I'm rather interested in that murder investigation. Call me a fan, I guess."

Penelope closed her eyes. _She'd seen that man. She had. She HAD…..WAIT! The lily. He was the man holding the lily in her dreams. The broken, bloodsoaked lily. Derek….Morgan….was the man holding the lily. But why? Why did he care so much for a flower?_

Then it clicked. _She was the lily. _She was the one he loved. She was the one that was his world. Derek. Derek. The name kept flashing through her mind. And then a thought crossed through her mind.

"Do you think he's the father of my baby?" she asked. "Do you think I left because I was ashamed of my pregnancy?" It sounded a bit stupid to Penelope even as she spoke. Why would she go all the way to France when it sounded like this Derek fellow wanted her this much?

"We can get a paternity test, I suppose. It's a bit risky, but….."

"Do it," Penelope interrupted. "I need to know who the father is." The nurse sighed and ordered the necessary tests.

Later

Pain. Unimaginable pain. It coursed through Penelope's entire body. Her stomach felt like it was being ripped apart.

"Get the doctor, quick!" the nurse yelled, trying to stabilize her patient. "Why the hell are you so stubborn, Penelope? I bet you anything those tests hurt the baby." At her words, Penelope wailed with grief. The nurse bit her tongue, angry at herself for voicing her thoughts aloud.

A few hours later, Penelope was inconsolable. The tests had gone horribly wrong. Her baby…..her child…was gone. It hadn't been Derek's, anyway. Some guy named Kevin Lynch. Some _dead _guy's baby. Apparently…..he'd been charged with rape, assault, attempted murder shortly before his own death. It didn't take a genius to figure out who he'd raped.

"It was a bastard child," Penelope whispered to the air. "It was the son of a monster. It didn't really deserve to live anyway." She was in complete shock, closing in on herself. The world had abandoned her now. No one cared about her.

Derek. Maybe he cared. _Maybe. _She couldn't be _sure _that it was him in her dream, and that in his passionate speech to thousands of people, she didn't know that it was about her.

One thing she knew: she wasn't going to go back to Virginia to find out. She didn't care anymore, she just didn't care. Her baby, the one thing worth living for, was dead. Gone. Obliterated by her own dumbassed curiosity. For that, she hated herself, hated her life.

Quantico, right after the press conference

"Morgan, what was that about?" Hotch asked the younger agent. Derek turned to face him, grief etched into his face.

"Hotch, I need to find her. That seemed like an opportunity. You don't understand what I'm going through. Penelope is my everything. I don't care who hears it, I don't care if it costs me my job to say it. I can't live without her."

"You compromised the integrity of the Bureau. The director, as much as he is concerned about her disappearance, is not going to be happy."

"I don't give a damn about that, Hotch. I have to find her. No matter the cost."

"Derek, I know you do. But maybe you should brace yourself for the fact that she might not want to be found."

Back in France

Penelope could hear the doctor and nurse conversing. Even though they were doing so in hushed tones, she could make out every word.

"_She's breaking down again."_

"_I know."_

"_Do you think she'll ever make it out of here? It seemed that she was getting close. Who knows? That agent, Derek Morgan, he might be the key to figuring this whole thing out."_

"_We can't take the risk. Having him come here could upset her more. She'd try to commit suicide for sure."_

"_So we just keep her here indefinitely?"_

"_Do we really have a choice? Until she can say for sure that the agent is a significant person in her life…..what else can we do?"_

"_Well, we can keep her on therapy until she figures her life out."_

"_How long do you think that will take?"_

There was silence for a few minutes.

"_It might be permanent. You might want to get used to the idea."_

"_How tragic, though. I mean, she's young. Forever is a long time to go without knowing who you are. I can't really think of anything worse."_

"_For you, perhaps, it would be the ultimate tragedy. Perhaps, though, for her….it is a blessing that she doesn't have her memories. Ignorance is bliss, you know?"_

"_I know. You're right, doctor. Penelope Garcia, whoever she is, will remain here indefinitely."_

With this decision, they had, unknowingly, opened Pandora's box and unleashed hell.

Lives would be changed.

Tears would be shed.

Two lovers were destined to be lost from each other forever.

_Fin._


	27. Chapter 27

After

_So…..many of you seemed to believe that I was done! I never hit complete for this story, leaving it open-ended…and now I am closing that end! I do apologize if it upset anyone, but it was my intention from the start (all the way back in September!) to do it this way. This takes place ten years after Chapter 26 (which I reuploaded because people were having problems-if it still doesn't work it might be a problem with your own computer or whatever…sorry about that). I would suggest reading the prologue to this if you don't remember it….as it connects to this._

It was winter. The bitter cold seared Derek's skin, frost sticking on every pore of his body not swathed in layers of coats and scarves. He'd never been a fan of January weather, not even after all this time he'd spent in the outdoors. Right at this very spot. Right at this very cemetery. Right at this very grave.

It wasn't a real grave, at least not in the traditional sense. No body was buried under the frozen grass. Only a past life.

"_You need to move on," Derek's therapist had told him plainly. It had been a few months since Penelope had run off, and each day seemed to hollow him even more than the day before._

"_I can't. How can I move past the one thing that gave me a clear reason to keep living?" His therapist nodded knowingly. Concern and sadness clouded her eyes as she tried to find the right words to say._

"_Derek, I think that you need to come to terms to the fact that she's not coming back." But he'd vehemently shook his head no and began to pace frantically around the room._

"_It's only been a couple months. Maybe she's just checked in anonymously in a clinic somewhere. We've put out an APB across half the country for her. Someone's bound to find her eventually! I can't give up on her, not when it's only been a couple months!"_

"…_..Derek….it's been nine months. Not just a couple. It's time for you to face facts. Cold, hard facts. Don't baby yourself about this any more. She's gone. It's time for us to discuss you moving on."_

"_She's not gone! There's no way! She's around somewhere….we've just got to wait for someone to find her!" Of course, he would be out looking for her himself, but after a couple months of intense searching, Hotch had told him that if he went back to work he'd have full access of the other technical analysts that could help him find her easier. So far, obviously, their searches had yielded nothing of value, but still…There was no point in searching the streets..unless…_

"_Derek…..you also need to brace yourself for the possibility that you won't find her….because she's dead." Her words, laced with the poison that was truth, seemed to pierce directly into his heart._

"_There's no way." He shook his head. "There's no way she's dead." Derek adamantly refused to listen to reason. Reason had abandoned him when Penelope had. _

"_I have an idea. It's worked for others in helping them move past a situation like the one you're in." His therapist described how if you symbolically 'buried' the one you loved, it could help you grieve properly. She'd even gotten him a cemetery plot and gravestone that he had engraved with only a lily._

"I haven't moved on, Baby Girl, I promise," Derek now whispered to the stone. Saying otherwise would make it final, make it real. After all this time, he hadn't given up hope, hadn't given up faith, hadn't given up love.

Every day. Every day he had come to that very spot. His job? The job that allowed him to be introduced to the woman of his dreams? Gone. He worked odd jobs, enough to pay the bills. He'd sold his other properties, sold all the memories he had in them for the memories he had in front of a piece of rock.

His team? Scattered in the winds. Other departments, other postings. Hotch and Rossi had retired. He kept in contact with most of them, though phone calls were starting to become more and more infrequent. They still grieved their friend, but they'd….moved on. All had families by now, all had a reason to keep going, to keep fighting for justice in the name of those who couldn't. Like Penelope.

But he'd remained in the past, forever cemented in the belief that his girl was coming back to him. Everyone, including his family and friends, thought it was peculiar that he would stand at the 'gravesite' every day. He would stand there and cry, shed those bitter tears that always threatened to come in waterfalls every time he thought of her.

Even his face had changed. It was as though his cheeks, once full and bright with laughter, had become canyons eroded by grief. Wrinkles were etched across every square inch. His eyes were dull, lacking in any emotion other than sorrow and the faintest glimmer of hope.

"It's been ten years, Baby Girl. Ten years of not having you by my side. I can't even describe the pain, the agony. I'd like to believe you miss me too. I'd like to believe a lot of things, I guess. Mostly, I just wish you'd come back. I can't think the way that the others do-that you're gone for good."

"I don't like to think that way either." Derek turned, startled. He relaxed when he realized that it was just some woman. She was bundled up tightly, a scarf covering her mouth. And she was wearing sunglasses.

"Sorry, ma'am. I know I talk aloud a lot." She nodded, but didn't move.

"I know I must look weird to you. I always wear sunglasses in the winter, even when I was in Paris. The sun can reflect off the snow, you know." Derek shrugged, trying to ignore the lump in his throat. Pen had always worn sunglasses in the winter too.

"You're that odd one. That's what I've heard. The one that goes to this same grave every day." Why couldn't she leave? Derek did not want to discuss his business with some nosy lady that already had reminded him of _her._

Suddenly, though, he just wanted to let it out. To not hide behind the wrinkled mask that was his hardened face.

"Ten years ago, the only woman I ever loved…..left. We didn't break up, at least, I never broke up with her. She…she got sick. It's a long story. I never saw her again. This grave represents my old life with her, according to my therapist. I guess her idea didn't work."

"Wow. Ten years. That's a long time to mourn someone. Are you sure she didn't die or something?"

"I would know if she was dead. I would feel it deep within my soul. I come every day to this very spot, hoping against hope that one day I won't have to. Hoping that she will come back."

"Most people would've given up. Not you?"

"I-I can't even explain the love I feel for her. It's never left me. It's a fire that can never be extinguished. It would kill me to abandon that warmth. But…you said that you don't give up either, remember? What's your story?"

It seemed strange, almost, swapping their stories when they were complete strangers to each other. Yet right at the same time.

"Truth. I've always tried to find truth. My life was a confusing blur for a long time. I've only reemerged from the fog for good about a month ago. It took around ten years in France for me to get everything back in order."

"Ten years. Seems to be a magic number for both of us," Derek stated.

"I guess," the woman shrugged.

"How are you going to get your life back in order?"

"It's confusing. There's certain people I need to talk to, apologize to, mend the rift with. When I left for France, I left a lot of people behind. But it didn't matter then. I was going through an incredible trauma…..I needed to get away from the shame of it all.

"It took a long time to heal. I miscarriaged the child I'd been carrying. I could've given up right then. I guess, for awhile, I did. But soon I was reminded of a few things. People. I don't know…." She trailed off.

Derek literally had to shake himself. Why now? Why did someone have to come in with such a heartbreakingly familiar story?

"Are you okay?" the woman asked, suddenly concerned for his well-being.

"I'll be fine…it's just…..your story seems…..like it could be that of the woman I miss….with all of my heart." Tears began to pool in his eyes, his grief coming in full force.

"I'm sorry I opened these wounds," she apologized.

"Don't be."

There was silence for a few minutes. The woman stood still as she waited for Derek to finish crying.

"I guess the first thing I truly wanted to do when I got back was to see one man in particular. The man whose heart I broke….the one heart I never wanted to break because I was completely in love with him. The man that I shared all my dreams and fears with. The man that never gave up on me, no matter how much time had passed.

"The man who, until this day, calls me Baby Girl."

The earth had flipped on its axis. Time crawled along sideways. Derek's whole world veered out of line. His lips moved, but no sound came out.

The woman removed her scarf. Then her sunglasses.

It was her. Age had left little indentation on her face; she was still just as beautiful. Her skin radiated pure love and devotion. Her eyes still sparkled, though by now they were overflowing with happy tears.

Derek couldn't remain still a second longer. He opened his arms and grasped her tightly. His heart slammed against his chest as he felt her body wrap around in his. His tears soaked her clothes but he didn't care. He didn't care about anything anymore.

She'd come back. After all this time, after all these years of wondering, crying, hoping, she'd returned.

"I'm so sorry," she repeatedly sobbed into his chest.

"Shhhhh….Baby Girl, you have nothing to be sorry about. Nothing to be sorry about at all anymore. You're here. After all this time, you're here. That's all that matters. That's all that ever mattered for every second of every day for the past ten years."

"After all this time? After all of this you've never stopped loving me?" Penelope wept, relishing the feeling of his arms around her waist.

"After all of this time, there's nothing I've loved or thought of. Nothing. Except you coming back to me."

For a time that could never be measured, they embraced each other in a grip that nothing could break. A hug that encompassed not just physical touch, but entire spectrums of bottled emotions that could now spill out.

There were questions. Eventually they could get to them. Eventually. Now was not the time, and if Derek were honest with himself, he didn't care if they ever got to them. Her very presence was enough. This was the time he'd spent ten years dreaming of. And it was worth it. It was worth every tear shed, every agonizing moment. The world was worth the woman he loved. The woman he knew he would ask to marry him as soon as he could.

"I love you so much, Derek. More than I could love anything or anyone," Penelope whispered.

"I love you more," Derek whispered back, capturing her lips in his. He didn't care if it was appropriate to kiss her or not. He didn't really care about anything else except tasting her soft lips again. It was more than a physical wanting-it went far deeper than that.

Penelope seemed to feel the same way. Their kiss was far beyond any kiss any couple had ever shared. It was raw, passionate, filled with emotions that had been bottled for ten solid years, saved until right this moment. It lasted until they both craved oxygen as much as each other.

"We must look ridiculous to all these people, kissing in front of a grave," Penelope muttered, though Derek could sense her teasing tone.

"I don't care. Let them watch me kiss my princess, the one I love. Let them watch me hold the one I have waited for for so long, but never stopped loving for even a second."

After all this time, their love had never faded, their sparks had never died. No number of years could erode through their relationship. It was _agape, _an unconditional love.

An undying love.

After all this time.

_Okay, so this is the real end! I promise! I know there's probably a lot of questions, so just leave them in a review and I can answer (if I filled in all the blanks here, it would be too cumbersome). There are no plans for a sequel at this time, though there is a tiny chance I could change my mind. I am so grateful for the attention this story has garnered (reviews, alerts, favorites)! You guys are the best! I would love if you tell me what you thought of this update (if it was a good choice or not to have a HEA or not, etc.)_

_This was a joy to write. It definitely is my favorite of the Fanfiction I've written. My next story will be dramatic as well (though definitely some M/G love) so look for it if you want._

_Sayonara! Adios! Au revoir! Goodbye! (sorry if I butchered anyone's language)_


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